Author: Sheila Morris

  • to pill or not to pill – that is the question


    Today I count pills to fill two small brightly colored plastic containers that are compartmentalized by the days of the week with the hope they will continue to help me manage the health of my life and not stealthily contribute to its demise. Such a fine line exists between “to pill or not to pill.” Pretty maintains – and has maintained for the past ten years – that the little pills will be my downfall. I argue I would probably not be here today without them. As a compromise, I’ve added a few vitamins she is okay with. At 71 years of age, I can almost say I told you so, but I’m not quite ready for the implications surrounding that declaration.

    Last week our tall slender pine trees shook while the rains came down ferociously to announce the arrival of a hurricane named Irma that had already left a path of disaster in the Caribbean islands and the states of Florida and Georgia. We received part of her last inland hurrah and although it was relatively mild, it was unsettling enough. We were afraid some of our pine trees would fall on our heads. Luckily, that didn’t happen. The lights stayed on, and we will try not to complain about our modest outside cleanup. Our refrigerator kept our cans of soft drinks cold, and we had an adequate supply of potato chips which was our entire inventory of “unperishables” in the event of a disaster.

    Thank goodness for the chilled ginger ale…the taste of ginger ale always reminds me of the little girl growing up in rural southeast Texas where the piney woods became a national forest at the boundary line between Grimes and Montgomery County, the little girl who saved nickels in the summertime to purchase a large bottle of ginger ale to pretend she was drinking champagne like Myrna Loy in The Thin Man movies. Sitting under a chinaberry tree, the only child offered a glass to her black doll named James Marion after her uncle who was not black. When James Marion declined, she drank the bottle by herself – making toast after toast for imaginary weddings, high school graduations, basketball games, the circus, rodeos, any special occasion she could imagine except for baptisms at the First Baptist Church. No one at that church ever drank champagne for any occasion. My mother told me abstinence from adult beverages was necessary because of the potential for causing the ruination of a hapless sinner who saw you have a sip of any kind of alcohol and thereafter was not able to resist temptation but rather succumbed to drink and debauchery.

    That same line of reasoning also applied to dancing and using inappropriate slang words that so wanted to slip out while sipping champagne. My mother was a stickler for avoiding the drinking and cussing, but she strayed occasionally during American Bandstand in the afternoons after school when the rock and roll music made her feet betray her convictions. It was one weakness, and I smile now at the memory of her trying to do the Twist when Chubby Checker was a guest on the show. As for fornication, well, that wasn’t even on the table for discussion which was very suspicious given her predilection for walking nude around the house in my teenage years. My prim elementary school teacher mother, my mother who played the piano for the Baptist Church, thought nothing of shedding her clothes in the privacy of her own home when Daddy was there. Go figure…and she had a good one at the time.

    I’ve just finished counting the last of the pills for the week. Every pill is in its proper place so that each day they are easily accessible first thing in the morning. I’m not sure how or why I digressed into the story about my mother except that’s how I ramble on in my mind lately. I’m so glad to have the funny memories of her again – I’ve carried the more recent memories of her when she was not in her right mind for too long. She was a mess.

    I prefer these memories to the headlines of the day with its hurricanes, natural disasters, bombs from North Korea, throwing acid on American tourists in France, the president addressing the United Nations, and the young Georgia Tech lgbtq student activist shot to death. My mother’s predilection for nudity and my preoccupation with pills pale in comparison to the news of the day and provide a kind of relief from the constant bombardment of the ongoing shattering of our families and communities. At least they do for me.

    Stay tuned.

     

  • Edie Windsor (June 20, 1929 – September 12, 2017)


    One of my favorite heroes was a woman named Edie Windsor who died yesterday at the age of 88. I never had an opportunity to meet her personally, but I know what my family and my community owe her. She helped give a boost to push the journey to marriage equality across the finish line through her refusal to give up on justice for all.

    In an earlier post (June 26, 2013)  I wrote the following:

    Well, I never.  No, really, I never.  Today’s decision by the Supreme Court of the United States to give equal federal treatment to same-sex marriage in the twelve states and District of Columbia that recognize these marriages is a stunning pivotal day in our nation’s history of constitutional revelation.  I honestly thought this day was my dream to be realized in a future generation…

    And while I understand the significance of this ruling for our country and for the message it sends around the world to other nations about American civil liberties, today the political became personal.

    I have many personal heroes during the past twenty years of my activism in South Carolina – both sung and unsung.  I am grateful to all of them for the labor we’ve made together in the days before Will and Grace and afterwards.

    But today is Edith Windsor day for me.  I will forever remember the petite 84-year-old lesbian from New York who changed the course of history with an outrageous act and a not-so-everyday rebellion.  Thank you, Edie.

    Earlier this year (February 1, 2017) I again wrote about Edie Windsor; here are excerpts:

    Dear Edie…

    But today I want to give you some good news that is my way of saying thank you for the journey you took for marriage equality in the LGBT community. The Supreme Court ruling in June, 2013 for your case the United States v. Windsor has been described as “the most influential legal precedent in the struggle for LGBT marriage equality.” The dominoes of discrimination against us began to topple and fall after that ruling and before you could say two shakes of a lamb’s tail, my partner Teresa and I were the first same-sex couple to be granted our marriage license in November, 2014 in Richland County, South Carolina – the 35th. state to recognize equality…

    Yet, this weekend, in the midst of an unbelievable national wave of hatefulness and exclusion, my wife and I went to a shower for two young lesbians who are getting married next month – a natural next step in their belief for the pursuit of happiness as they see it. It was a festive fun evening with the usual “games” for the brides-to-be, great southern barbecue with all the trimmings, a special Signature Cocktail (which I can personally endorse) and champagne for everyone.

    What made this particular shower different, however, was that the hosts were eleven straight couples with a plus one…all of them friends of the parents of one of the brides-to-be. The parents of both brides were there, and everyone celebrated the upcoming nuptials. As I mingled and talked with our friends who were the hosts, I felt I was in a different universe from the one where I didn’t dare to dream about marrying another girl when I was growing up in rural southeast Texas in the 1950s. It was if a magic carpet had transported me from a land of ignorance to a place of enlightenment. Truly remarkable.

    And so I wanted to share this joyful time with you, Edie, because you are one of the major reasons these two young women have the same hopes and dreams for their family that their straight friends do.

    Believe me when I say you were there in spirit. They may not even realize who you are and what you have done for them, but I want to simply say “I do,” and I’m forever indebted.

    Well done, Edie. Rest in peace.

     

  • game, set, match


    For more than 20 years the burden of women’s tennis (oh for heaven’s sake go ahead and admit it men’s tennis, too) in the United States has been carried on the capable shoulders of Venus and Serena Williams. Following their women’s final match against each other in the Australian Open earlier this year, I wrote this:

    I am awarding Venus and Serena Williams The Red Man’s Memorial Paw Snaps and Twirls – the highest honor possible for two American women who personify persistence and perseverance to be the very best in their sport and in so doing, prove repeatedly that they are both the images of true champions. Their love of family speaks volumes about their character, and their love of playing tennis is a gift we can all appreciate and be grateful for.

    You rock, girls – keep going. Records are made to be broken.

    Serena did win her history making 23rd. major at the 2017 Australian Open but made even bigger news when she announced her pregnancy following the tournament. The tennis world gasped at the possibility of a French Open, Wimbledon and even an US Open without its reigning diva who struck fear into the rackets of any player unlucky enough to see her name on Serena’s side of the draw.

    Oh, what to do…woe is me…and woe is certainly what the organizers of the major tournaments were saying to themselves as they contemplated their events without the reliable brilliance of Serena Williams.

    Now this is why I love sports in general – and tennis in particular. Into the void stepped a brash teenager named Jelena Ostapenko from Latvia who stunned everyone except herself when she marched on to the courts of Roland Garros and became the first unseeded player to win the French Open since 1933. Her idol when she picked up her first tennis racket? Serena Williams.

    The Spanish player, Garbine Muguruza, who won the French in 2016, found her championship form again to win Wimbledon in 2017 as she eliminated (guess who?) Venus Williams in that grand slam final on the grass courts of the All England Club.

    And speaking of Venus, the 37-year-old sister of Serena who is still playing tennis with a vengeance…she may have lost the Australian Open final to her sister but the remainder of her  2017 season has been victorious as she broke records for longevity at championship levels in tournament after tournament in a sport that demands physical fitness and mental toughness to win at these high levels.

    But for all their individual trophies, career earnings, and tangible achievements I believe the legacy of Venus and Serena Williams will be the women who come to play tennis today.

    Last night at the US Open both semi-final matches were played by 4 American women  – amazing really since 1981 was the last time the United States had 4 women in our own major: Chris Evert, Martina Navratilova, Tracy Austin and Barbara Potter. Evert, Navratilova, and Austin now serve words instead of balls as they offer commentary on the ESPN and Tennis Channels.

    One of the four women playing last night was Venus Williams. Her opponent was 24-year-old Sloane Stephens who defeated her in 3 jaw dropping sets and who said at an interview on the court following her victory that she and the rest of women’s tennis owed much of their winning attitudes and power games to the examples of Venus and Serena Williams.

    Now the US Open women’s final is set for tomorrow with Stephens playing Madison Keys who defeated Coco Vandeweghe in straight sets. You can bet Pretty and I will be in the bleacher seats watching that final, and we know one thing for sure.

    The winner of the US Open on the women’s side this year will be an American, and although her name won’t be Williams, she’ll be standing on their shoulders.

    Venus and Serena Williams – Australian Open – 2017

    Stay tuned.

  • saying goodbye to good friends


    Five year old Finn and his mother Saskia came for some pool time with Pretty last Sunday before they were to leave for the Netherlands on Tuesday. Dave the Dad was home packing for the trip and skipped the pool fun time. They will be gone for almost a year while Saskia does research there and will be sorely missed by all of us with the possible exception of Spike who tends to shy away from visitors. Nothing personal – it’s just how he rolls.

    Two incidents happened during their final visit that Granny Selma would have called Memory Makers. The first occurred when Finn came inside and ran past me on his way to the kitchen. I was sitting in my Frasier’s father’s lookalike recliner in the den watching TV.

    “Every time I come to your house you’re always sitting in that same chair watching TV,” Finn commented as he raced by.

    “Hey,” I said to his back. “Why do you think I do that?”

    He barely turned and said matter of factly, “I guess it’s because you’re lazy.”

    I laughed out loud (or LOL) but told him he was probably right. Out of the mouths of babes, etc. Pretty thought the remark rocked when I told her, but her turn was coming.

    After everyone dried off, we all sat together in the den for a little chat before Saskia and Finn had to leave to go home to pack. Unfortunately for all of us, Pretty’s cell phone rang.

    She looked at the number and realized it was the same unknown number that had been calling her several times a day for the past week. She even heard her cell phone ring the night before at almost midnight but didn’t answer it. The next morning she saw it was the same unknown number and was furious. She vowed to answer her phone the next time the number rang her, and naturally the phone rang when we had company.

    Well brothers and sisters, Pretty has quite a temper and when she found out the caller was the Democratic National Committee, her dander was up so high heat was rising from the top of her head. She lit into them with her hell hath no fury like a woman whose cell phone had rung too many times harangue, and her voice definitely wasn’t her inside tone. DON”T YOU CALL ME AGAIN!! Pretty exclaimed.

    She allowed as how she had always supported the Democratic Party with her time and resources but with one final verbal blast she threatened the unimaginable of not only stopping her contributions but refusing to vote for any Democrat ever. The conversation ended shortly thereafter.

    Saskia, Finn and I had tried to pretend we weren’t there…we acted like we weren’t listening but maintained an awkward silence while Pretty ranted. Apparently the incident stuck in Finn’s memory even as he flew across the Pond two days later. Don’t you call me again, he repeated to his mother during the flight; and then they both giggled as they pictured Pretty on the phone in our den.

    Finally, once settled in Amsterdam and getting ready for bed his first night there, Finn resisted his mother and dad’s efforts to go to sleep by imitating Pretty’s meltdown on the telephone two days earlier. Thanks to Saskia for this great video.

    Well, well, Pretty, if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, your tirade is the stuff of legends in one little boy’s mind. Finn, you are another Rich Little in the making, and we will miss your optimism and fun in the next year. Please don’t forget your English while you’re learning to speak Dutch in school, but enjoy the extra special days with your grandparents and other family.

    The US Open is my excuse for laziness for the past week because of my addiction to the four major tournaments. I admit to my passionate preoccupation with the people, places and predicaments of the four major tennis tournaments every year. The US Open is the last major for the 2017 season so I have mixed emotions every year as I say goodbye to each player I really like when they lose and exit the tournament.

    The goodbyes come and go to our friends in real life and those we think we know from their television appearances, but I can truthfully say from more than 70 years of experience with goodbyes that hellos are right behind them. Just 4 months until the Australian Open.

    Stay tuned.

     

     

  • why do we need hurricanes to remind us what makes us better people?


    The stories of bravery, compassion – heroism in the face of unimaginable adversity – have been captured by social media and more traditional TV coverage every minute of every day for the past week during Hurricane Harvey and its aftermath on the Gulf Coast of Texas. The images are horrific and the devastation breath-taking, but the spirits of the people have become an inspiration to themselves and the rest of the country.

    The generosity of Americans everywhere as cash donations pour in for the relief effort is amazing. The mobilization of individuals around the country volunteering to assist the rebuilding of neighborhoods that are drowning in record breaking rainfall which has caused dams to break and rivers to overflow is awesome and is a testament to the resilience of a unity that calls us to rise above the issues that divide us to celebrate our love and support for one another.

    When helicopter rescuers drop a basket to save a family trapped on a roof, there is no discussion of race, transgender, sexual orientation, religious affiliation or economic disparity – there is only the simple act of human kindness that transcends our bitter differences. As my cousin Melissa says, that’s a happy thing.

    According to the governor of Texas today, all 50 states have responded to the tragedy with offers for assistance, and all branches of the military were deployed to step in and do what they are trained to do in emergency situations. They stepped in and stepped up as did all local first responders from the counties and cities of the area in addition to those who arrived from neighboring states.

    I really can’t imagine how long the recovery and rebuilding process will be nor can I imagine standing in long lines with my family waiting for the basics of food, water, clothing and a place to sleep…but I have seen the faces of people who have lost everything except each other in those long lines and while they are beginning to grasp their new reality of losses, they huddle together as a family to confront their uncertain future.

    You see, I am a dreamer and a hopeless romantic about the good in people and when I see that good so evident this week in the midst of Hurricane Harvey, the sharp contrast of the images of the anger and hatred in Charlottesville, Virginia seem a little less permanent.

    I share the optimism of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. who said:

    I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality…

    Our house stands today with our brothers and sisters across the country who struggle to unite, to comfort, to believe that goodness and kindness are the common values we cheer – the values that a hurricane named Harvey reminds us to celebrate this Labor Day weekend.

    Be safe and strong.