Category: Personal

  • dear Santa, send boxing gloves

    dear Santa, send boxing gloves


    Yes, Virginia you’ve probably read this story at least six times if you’ve been with me for many moons. This Christmas story is one of my favorites from Deep in the Heart: A Memoir of Love and Longing that was published in 2007 by Red Letter Press. The book’s been out of print for sixteen years, but there’s something about this little girl’s struggles for authenticity in her life that make it universally appropriate in any season. Dedicated to all little girls who struggle to be themselves.

    *********************

    “Dear Santa Claus, how are you? I am fine.

    I have been pretty good this year. Please bring me a pair

    of boxing gloves for Christmas.  I need them.

    Your friend, Sheila Rae Morris”

    “That’s a good letter,” my maternal grandmother I called Dude said. She folded it and placed it neatly in the envelope. “I’ll take it to the post office tomorrow and give it to Miss Sally Hamilton to mail for you. Now, why do you need these boxing gloves?”

    “Thank you so much, Dude. I hope he gets it in time. All the boys I play with have boxing gloves. They say I can’t box with them because I’m a girl and don’t have my own gloves. I have to get them from Santa Claus.”

    “I see,” she said. “I believe I can understand the problem. I’ll take care of your letter for you.”

    Santa Boxing Gloves

    Several days later it was Christmas Eve. That was the night we opened our gifts with both families. This year our little group of Dude, Mama, Daddy, Uncle Marion, Uncle Toby and I walked to my paternal grandparents’  house across the dirt road and down the hill from ours. With us, we took the Christmas box of See’s Chocolate and Nuts Candies that Dude’s sister Aunt Orrie who lived in California sent every year, plus all the gifts for everyone. The only child in me didn’t like to share the candy, but it wouldn’t be opened until we could offer everyone a piece. Luckily, most everyone else preferred Ma’s divinity or her date loaf.

    The beverage for the party was a homemade green punch. My Uncle Marion had carried Ginger Ale and lime sherbet with him. He mixed that at Ma’s in her fine glass punch bowl with the 12 cups that matched. You knew it was a special night if Ma got out her punch bowl. The drink was frothy and delicious. The perfect liquid refreshment with the desserts. I was in heaven, and very grownup.

    When it was time to open the gifts, we gathered in the living room around the Christmas tree, which was ablaze with multi-colored blinking bubble lights. Ma was in total control of the opening of the gifts and instructed me to bring her each gift one at a time so she could read the names and anything else written on the tag. She insisted that we keep a slow pace so that all would have time to enjoy their surprises.

    Really, there were few of those. Each year the men got a tie or shirt or socks or some combination. So the big surprise would be the color for that year. The women got a scarf or blouse or new gloves for church. Pa would bring out the Evening in Paris perfume for Ma he had raced across the street to Mr. McAfee’s Drug Store to buy when he closed the barber shop, just before the drug store closed.

    The real anticipation was always the wrapping and bows for the gifts. They saved the bows year after year and made a game of passing them back and forth to each other like old friends. There would be peals of laughter and delight as a bow that had been missing for two Christmases would make a mysterious re-appearance. Ma and Dude entertained themselves royally with the outside of the presents. The contents were practical and useful for the adults every year.

    My gifts, on the other hand, were more fun. Toys and clothes combined the practical with the impractical. Ma would make me a dress to wear to school and buy me a doll of some kind. Daddy and Pa would give me six-shooters or a bow and arrows or cowboy boots and hats. Dude always gave me underwear.

    This year Uncle Marion had brought me a jewelry box from Colorado. He had gone out there to work on a construction job and look for gold. I loved the jewelry box. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any jewelry; equally unfortunate, he hadn’t found any gold.

    “Well, somebody needs to go home and get to bed so that Santa Claus can come tonight,” Daddy said at last. “I wonder what that good little girl thinks she’s going to get.” He smiled.

    “Boxing gloves,” I said immediately. “I wrote Santa a letter to bring me boxing gloves. Let’s go home right now so I can get to bed.”

    Everybody got really quiet.

    Daddy looked at Mama. Ma looked at Pa. Uncle Marion and Uncle Toby looked at the floor. Dude looked at me.

    “Okay, then, sugar. Give Ma and Pa a kiss and a big hug for all your presents. Let’s go, everybody, and we’ll call it a night so we can see what Santa brings in the morning,” Daddy said.

    *********************

    “Is it time to get up yet?” I whispered to Dude. What was wrong with her? She was always the first one up every morning. Why would she choose Christmas Day to sleep late?

    “I think it’s time,” she whispered back. “I believe I heard Saint Nick himself in the living room a little while ago. Go wake up your mama and daddy so they can turn on the Christmas tree lights for you to see what he left. Shhh. Don’t wake up your uncles.”

    I climbed over her and slipped quietly past my sleeping Uncle Marion and crept through the dining room to Mama and Daddy’s bedroom. I was trying to not make any noise. I could hear my Uncle Toby snoring in the middle bedroom.

    “Daddy, Mama, wake up,” I said softly to the door of their room. “Did Santa Claus come yet?” Daddy opened the door, and he and Mama came out. They were smiling happily and took me to the living room where Mama turned on the tree lights. I was thrilled with the sight of the twinkling lights as they lit the dark room. Mama’s tree was so much bigger than Ma’s and was perfectly decorated with ornaments of every shape and size and color. The icicles shimmered in the glow of the lights. There were millions of them. Each one had been meticulously placed individually by Mama. Daddy and I had offered to help but had been rejected when we were seen throwing the icicles on the tree in clumps rather than draping them carefully on each branch.

    I held my breath. I was afraid to look down. When I did, the first thing I saw was the Roy Rogers gun and holster set. Two six-shooters with gleaming barrels and ivory-colored handles. Twelve silver bullets on the belt.

    “Wow,” I exclaimed as I took each gun out of the holster and examined them closely. “These look just like the ones Roy uses, don’t they, Daddy?”

    “You bet,” he said. “I’m sure they’re the real thing. No bad guys will get past you when you have those on. Main Street will be safe again.” He and Mama laughed together at that thought.

    The next thing my eyes rested on was the Mr. And Mrs. Potato Head game. I wasn’t sure what that was when I picked it up, but I could figure it out later. Some kind of game to play when the cousins came later for Christmas lunch.

    I moved around the tree and found another surprise. There was a tiny crib with three identical baby dolls in it. They were carefully wrapped in two pink blankets and one blue one. I stared at them.

    “Triplets,” Mama said with excitement. “Imagine having not one, not two, but three baby dolls at once. Two girls and a boy. Isn’t that fun? Look, they have a bottle you can feed them with. See, their little mouths can open. You can practice feeding them. Aren’t they wonderful?”

    I nodded. “Yes, ma’am. They’re great. I’ll play with them later this afternoon.” I looked around the floor and crawled to look behind the tree.

    “Does Santa ever leave anything anywhere else but here?” I asked. Daddy and Mama looked at each other and then back at me.

    “No, sweetheart,” Daddy said. “This is all he brought this year. Don’t you like all of your presents?”

    “Oh, yes, I love them all,” I said with the air of a diplomat. “But, you know, I had asked him for boxing gloves. I was really counting on getting them. All the boys have them, and I wanted them so bad.”

    “Well,” Mama said. “Santa Claus had the good common sense not to bring a little girl boxing gloves. He knew that only little boys should be fighting each other with big old hard gloves. He also realized that lines have to be drawn somewhere. He would go along with toy guns, even though that was questionable. But he had to refuse to allow boxing gloves this Christmas or any Christmas.”

    I looked at Daddy. My heart sank.

    “Well, baby,” he said with a rueful look. “I’m afraid I heard him say those very words.”

    *******************

     In 2008, the year following publication of Deep, one of my best friends Billy Frye gave me a pair of boxing gloves for Christmas – better late than never, Santa. I was sixty-two years old. Billy Frye understood.

    Last year (2022) Pretty’s sister Darlene and her partner Dawne gave me a brand new pair of boxing gloves because they also loved this story. Darlene asked me if I thought my mother would have permitted boxing gloves in our home when I originally asked Santa for them as a child if they were pink, and Pretty spoke up for me. I doubt it, she said, but she did always love for Sheila to wear pink.

    Slava Ukraini. For all the children everywhere.

  • this is where the magic happens

    this is where the magic happens


    My dog Spike and I are “working” in my office on a rainy Wednesday night in December, but my mind has been frazzled by the recent drama of the car theft which has affected my concentration, sleep patterns that are suspect anyhow on good nights, and winter/holiday doldrums that were here before any of that madness. Bah humbug.

    This monkey’s expression while reading the Wall Street Journal reminds me of how Spike and I feel during the storm tonight. Basically, WTF.

    Then I have to laugh because I gave this monkey to my dad for a Christmas gift to put in his office when he was a public school teacher turned administrator in the late 1960s. He loved it – said it made him smile whenever he noticed it during a stressful day at work. I saved it when I cleaned out his personal items from the school office in 1976 two months before his death. The monkey is a symbol of a powerful bond that shaped my life forever, a reminder of a good father who gave me the ability to find the “funny” in the journey, the vicissitudes of life as he would say.

    I think he would approve of my working with a dog like Spike at my side. Daddy always loved his hunting dogs who never could hunt because they lived a life of luxury sprawled on a sofa next to him in an air conditioned home.

    I understand now that not everyone had the loving, yet dysfunctional, family I had growing up; but I’ve had a monkey in my office for nearly fifty years that makes me smile on a rainy night in South Carolina when I remember the man and that Christmas.

    Spike and I feel better.

  • Drama in our Driveway, or what happened to the car?

    Drama in our Driveway, or what happened to the car?


    When you live to be as old as dirt which is my age, you figure you must have seen it all. That’s why when I opened the kitchen door to step down three steps to the carport early Saturday morning, walked toward the driveway to go for my morning walk, noticed the empty space next to our pickup truck where the car was always parked, I wasn’t worried. Pretty must have parked it somewhere else, I thought. I looked around the front yard – both sides since we live on a corner lot – but decided I should go back in the house to double check with Pretty on the car’s whereabouts since I didn’t see it in any direction.

    Pretty, still half asleep, had no clue. I stated the obvious. Somebody stole our car.

    Thus, on the 14th. day of December, with only 17 days remaining in 2024, our year that will live in infamy had one final blow. We should never have agreed last week that 2024 had been a disastrous year and thank goodness it was behind us when there were 17 days left. Word to the wise: shut up. Life has a way of slapping you upside the head when you begin to make bold statements like that.

    I won’t bore you with the police reports, Honda Link exploits, angst that we went through during the day Saturday trying to figure out how to cope with this fresher version of hell but will cut to the chase to say seven hours later we met two policemen in an abandoned construction site less than ten minutes from our house. One of them was dusting for fingerprints on the door handles, windows, steering wheel and seats of our 2018 Honda Odyssey which we had called our Grannymobile since we bought it in 2021 to be able to transport a second granddaughter.

    Grannymobile found – contents lost

    Two check books, two pay checks, Christmas gifts for friends and family, $35 in cash, small merchandise items for Pretty’s antique booths, phone chargers – all losses to chase around and down. But the emotionally charged missing things belonged to our granddaughters (five-year-old Ella and her sister Molly who will be three years old next month) who always felt at home on the second row of the Grannymobile with their favorite toys, blankets, small libraries of books and children’s videos. The car seats were their safe places, but Molly’s car seat had been stolen along with her beloved stuffed dinosaur that had seen better days.

    When we saw the girls Saturday night, their parents had already told them about the stolen car so Ella was ready with her questions. How many “bandits” had taken the car? What did they look like? Why did they take it? All good questions that we couldn’t answer, but when we let the girls inspect the Grannymobile in their driveway, Molly’s first question was much more personal. Where are my toys? Did the police take my car seat?

    Somehow in the recounting of the story of the stolen car, Molly was convinced the police took her car seat and Dino the Dinosaur. Nana tried to mollify Molly by assuring her we would get her a brand new car seat just like Ella’s, but Molly said she didn’t want a new one, she wanted her old one back. She said Naynay would make the police give it back. Of course I told her I would – I tried to unravel the confusion about the police and the “bandits” but in the end, that ship had sailed.

    Stay safe during the holiday season. Car theft is alive and well and coming to a driveway near you, regardless of your age.

    Please stay tuned.

  • the plural of cactus

    the plural of cactus


    For everyone who struggles with remembering plurals, I happily report my research on the plural of the Christmas cactus which I had to do this morning because this is the first year we have had more than one cactus blooming at the same time. Ever. Check out these two fabulous colors.

    cacti or cactuses – feel free to pick a plural: both are correct

    (but whatever you do, don’t touch either plant)

    The Christmas story of Mary and Joseph’s plight in the manger in Bethlehem has been told and re-told for thousands of years. Regardless of your belief, it is a tender tale of a family who welcomed a baby boy into a world of conflict and hardship but hoped he would somehow change it for the better. The same conflicts continue two thousand years later with hardships of every shape and description that continue to plague our families today, but we move on.  Sometimes forward, sometimes backward. But onward we go. And in this spirit of hope for a better world where peace becomes the norm and hardships are made more bearable, I abandon my Bah, Humbug for a trip down memory lane to the Cookie Walk in Montgomery, Texas, in 2011.

    what is the plural for cookie? who even cares?

    (bet you can’t eat just one)

    Happy Holidays from our family to yours!

  • Handel’s Messiah – what’s Love got to do with it?

    Handel’s Messiah – what’s Love got to do with it?


    Dear Ella and Molly, once upon a time long ago your Nana and Naynay shared a special Christmas that was the beginning of their love that led them to you.

    Here’s a blast from the past – December, 2015 – nine years ago I published this piece about Pretty’s gift that year of my favorite Christmas music. While we no longer attend the sing-alongs in church together, Alexa is more than happy to share the Messiah with me during the Christmas season every year. I sing along now with the London Philharmonic Orchestra and Choir, but the music carries me to memories of the passion beginning to stir in a Baptist church in South Carolina twenty-four years ago…

    Teresa gave me the best gift of the holiday season last night when she took me to a Sing-Along Messiah concert at the Washington Street United Methodist Church where I sang along with a packed church audience of  other “Messiah” lovers who were mostly white-haired like me but had a good mixture of younger voices that gave me a feeling of hope for many more years of these sing-alongs.

    It was a special night for us because the first official “date” we had fifteen years ago this Christmas was to go to a presentation of Handel’s Messiah by the choir and orchestra at the Park Street Baptist Church here in Columbia.  I remember how nervous I was to ask her to go, although we had been friends for many years and done lots of things together like going to Panther football games several times, eating lunch frequently to discuss Guild business, meeting at my office for work on Guild mailing lists. We had been friends and activists in our community for seven years, but now things were different because we were both “available.”  Our other long-term relationships were over.

    Teresa laughs now because she said she didn’t know I was asking her out on a “date” when I asked her to go  hear the Messiah. She says she was surprised that I asked her to go because neither of us went to church –  and even more surprised when I suggested we go to dinner afterwards since I hadn’t said a word about that in my original “ask.”  She was busy. She had to mail her Christmas cards. She had her fourteen-year-old son Drew to get dinner for, she said when I tried to prolong our evening. I must have looked so disappointed that she took pity on me.

    Hm. Why don’t you go to the post office with me to mail my cards and then we can get a pizza to take home to Drew?  Sure, I’d said, as my dream of a romantic dinner evaporated right there in her car in front of the Post Office on Assembly Street while she rummaged through her large purse looking for stamps for her cards. Before I knew it, I was sitting in Teresa’s living room eating a pepperoni pizza with her and her son watching her wrap Christmas presents. Her dog Annie stared at me from the safety of her vantage point under the coffee table. I stayed way too long.

    The music last night transported me to the many wonderful places I’d performed Handel’s Messiah as a chorus member and soloist – even director in cities from Seattle, Washington to Fort Worth, Texas to Cayce and Columbia, South Carolina. I had always loved this music that symbolized Christmas for me whenever and wherever I’d heard it.  Last night, however, I found those memories as fuzzy as the notes on the alto lines were as I tried my best to keep pace  with the  sing- along.

    The most magical place the music took me last night?  The living room of a little house on Wessex Lane where I sat eating pizza with a woman and her son. The most vivid memory? This was the night I realized I was falling in love with my best friend. Now that’s a memory to cherish.

    I wish you all the hope for peace that this season offers and the joys of your favorite sounds of the season, but most of all, I wish you love.

    *********************

    My dearest Molly and Ella, may you find someone special to share the music in your hearts.