Category: Personal

  • Closer to the End Than the Beginning


    During his interview with the ESPN team following a four-set victory over Kei Nishikori in the men’s semi-finals of the 2016 US Open tennis tournament, Stan Wawrinka was asked if he had an explanation for his winning ways in recent years – a victory over Rafael Nadal to win the 2014 Australian Open, a win over Novak Djokovic in the 2015 French Open final and now another opportunity as a finalist in this year’s US Open against Djokovic who is also the number one player on the tour.

    “I believe I am closer to the end than I am to the beginning,” the 31-year-old Wawrinka responded and implied that he understood the limits of playing professional tennis into his thirties like the Williams sisters and Roger Federer who are apparently the equivalent of the proverbial Energizer bunny in their tennis careers.  The reality of the finite nature of his capabilities had inspired him to prepare to play his very best on the biggest stages at the Grand Slam venues in Melbourne, Paris, London and New York City. Stan played to win.

    I resemble that remark, I thought, when I heard the Swiss player make it.  Closer to the end than the beginning – part of the largest generation ever, a generation gradually passing into what? The twilight years, the golden years, the days of wine and roses? The days of fixed incomes and variable costs of living…the days of eye floaters and arthritis…of grandchildren that bring joy and hope… and parents with special needs…the days of loss of friends and family…the days of disbelief in news headlines…you know he didn’t, but he did.

    We are living on the short side of time and if we share Stan’s spirit, we also have an opportunity to play our best games in the championship matches that challenge us to reach beyond what we can see and hear and touch in our everyday lives – a call to dig deeper and continue to contribute our abilities that will make a positive difference in a world we helped to create, in the families we choose to love.

    And so Stan Wawrinka will play tomorrow in the final with an outcome to be determined on the Arthur Ashe Court of the Billie Jean King Tennis Center. He will bring his best game and when he needs encouragement, it won’t come from the fans who watch but from within himself. He has a tattoo on his left arm in Italic script by the Irish writer Samuel Beckett:

    “Ever tried, ever failed, no matter. Try again, fail again, fail better.” 

    Good luck to Stan and to Novak, too – and to all of us a good night.

     

     

  • Happy Pride Day! Observations from a Street Corner


    Happy Pride Day! Today was an unbelievably gorgeous South Carolina day following the drenching rains from Hurricane Hermine yesterday…only white clouds floating in the sky above us and lots of sunshine for the 2016 Pride Parade in downtown Columbia.  Teresa is able to navigate with a walker now so we packed up two chairs and drove to a perfect spot to watch the parade at the corner of Sumter and Washington Streets.Splendid! Enjoy the parade with us…

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    Cap, scarf, phone, walker – and that fabulous smile

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    Early arrivals on the opposite side of Sumter St Corner

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    Two Moms with little girls dressed in Pride colors

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    A picture of diversity walking across Sumter St

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    Looking up from our corner in downtown Columbia

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    Girls waiting to cross at our corner of Washington and Sumter Streets

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    Lighting up and hanging in

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    Famously Hot South Carolina Pride!

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    Local ballet legend William Starrett –

    looking festive in  red as he waves to the crowd

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    Mother of Pride Harriet Hancock with daughter 

    Jennifer Tague and Grand Marshall Tony Snell

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    Diversity is always in style at TJ Maxx

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    Amen, Brothers and Sisters

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    Nothing says Pride like feathers

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    These clergy have been with us since the beginning

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    Happy faces of Pride

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    Our friend Saskia and her son Finn join us

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    South Carolina Pedal Parlor – I had no idea what this was – our neighbor Mark explained it to me.

    Mark and his wife Debbie had joined us on our side of Sumter Street

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    Finn brought his personal mask

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    Girls Rock followed by hula hoopers

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    What are they doing with those hoops??

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    Love wins

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    What a sight!

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    Love has no labels

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    When Finn grows up, he will love the gays

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    So much happiness as the Parade passed by

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    My personal favorite the Prime Timers remember Stonewall – where the Revolution began

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    Our corner – lots of friends joined us

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    Finn has seen enough

    (photo courtesy of Nekki Shutt079

    T and me with our friend Jack

    The day was really fun for us, but when the Parade was over, we had to pack up our chairs to go home to Casa de Canterbury. As we said goodbye to our friends in the bank parking lot, I turned to see two girls at the ATM machine. This really said it all for me. Happy Pride!

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  • And the Answer is: What is Old People


    Every night I take three 500-mg Extra Strength Tylenol tablets from a bottle in my bedside stand – the tablets which my doctor assures me will provide added ammunition against the arthritis in my knees that aims to make it impossible for me to get the bed off my back the following morning.  I’m not crystal clear when I realized I needed to also place a walking cane next to my bed to help me keep my balance when I get up to  let the dogs out in the early hours of the morning, but I’m pretty sure it was sometime this year. Part of the perks of turning seventy.

    The same bedside stand is the home for my orange-flavored 81 mg. Bayer Aspirin that my doctor urges me to take every night to help reduce the risks of strokes, heart attacks and other Night Stalkers out and about who threaten to fulfill the part of the “If I should die before I wake” prayer.  And at the risk of too much information, I wouldn’t even have to worry about waking at all if it weren’t for the ambien I take to go to sleep. Sleep was apparently a privileged activity reserved for “pre-menopausal” years and insomnia has punished me for my giddiness at no longer needing to purchase feminine products on a monthly basis.

    At any rate, waking up is a big deal every day now. Even when I wake up before the dogs are ready to go out, I feel like it’s a good sign to be able to know where I am, what day it is and who’s in the bed with me. Today I was also filled with optimism for the week because I didn’t have to watch another national political convention; T’s favorite restaurant the Mediterranean Tea Room was opening today after their annual ten-day summer break and that meant delicious leftovers in the refrigerator. We are playing cards with friends on Tuesday and watching the Lady Gamecocks basketball team in a Pro-Am Wednesday night so the week was full of promise for fun.

    When I turned on my computer, I began my morning ritual of scanning the AOL news that long ago replaced the local newspaper. Most of the time, I click and click and click with a few stops along the way to read a story with a headline that interests me. This morning was no exception.

    Click. Click. Click. And then I saw it: Old People are Holding the Economy Back read the headline of an article written by Andrew Soergel for the U.S. News and World Report online magazine. Oh, my goodness, I thought. Seriously?

    Yes. The National Bureau of Economic Research has determined that “a 10% increase in the fraction of Americans at least 60 years old slashes national economic output per capita by 5.5%.” In other words, our country’s aging population is a drag on the economy as a whole. Hiss…I could hear the sounds of the air leaving my happiness bubble as I read the entire article. If the Jeopardy question is what is the cause of economic woes for our country, then the answer is “what is old people.”

    Please, please, please don’t show this to the Trump campaign which will add a plank to their platform calling for the deportation of all people over 60 years of age to Russia and/or the Ukraine  to go along with the deportation of all undocumented Latinos and Mexicans to Mexico. I am trying to visualize the process. You old white person – get on the bus to Russia. You suspicious-looking brown person – get on the bus to Mexico. And don’t ever come back – either one of you. Just think of the possibility of confusion in the process, however, if the old white person takes the wrong bus – which I have to say from personal experience is a real possibility.

    Thanks to this bit of news, I must guard against my old nemesis Negativity that tries to remind me on a daily basis that my becoming a senior citizen renders my contributions no longer welcome or necessary even to the point that I have become invisible to the eyes of the people I encounter as I walk through my world. Now I must also bear the responsibility for the woes of the national economy.

    Hm. Get thee behind me, Negativity. I have a pill for you, too, and I will now hit the Delete button for the AOL news. Click.

    I feel better already.

     

     

     

  • Breathes There the Woman…


    Once upon a time (actually in May, 1945) a twenty-year-old clean-shaven, blonde-haired, short in stature, recently honorably discharged 1st. Lieutenant World War II Air Corps navigator flew home to Texas across the pond from where he had been serving in the Eighth Air Force in England since December, 1944. Although his combat service was brief, he participated in thirty-two bombing missions over Germany which were part of the final blows to the Nazi regime.

    When he returned to Texas, he immediately eloped with his childhood sweetheart who had been in love with him since she was in the eighth grade when he came to go hunting and fishing with her three older brothers. It was the end of World War II and the beginning of freedom from fear of foreign tyranny  with optimism for life after the deaths and devastation he had seen in Europe.

    The following April, I was born into what would become known as the Baby Boom generation. The war ended, the boys returned home to marry their girlfriends who had been waiting for them and then Boom, here come the babies. Millions of us born into families who now had amazing educational opportunities through the miracle of the GI Bill to do what their parents couldn’t have done. My father took advantage of the veterans’ benefits to enroll in college while he also worked to support his little family of me and my mom.

    Ultimately, he realized the importance of education as the only way to break cycles of poverty and ignorance. He became a public school teacher, a high school basketball coach and finally superintendent of the tiny southeast Texas school district of Richards in Grimes County, one of the poorest counties in the state. He made very little money, but his name was known and respected by many in his community and beyond.

    At the same time he was teaching and coaching, he supported and encouraged my mother to make the fifty-mile round trip commute to Sam Houston Teachers College in Huntsville five days a week so that she could finish her college degree she had started at Baylor University during the War. I was in the fourth grade when my mother enrolled and in the sixth grade when she graduated. She came to teach music part-time the next year when I was in the seventh grade and I have to say it was a nightmare being in my mother’s music class and going to a school where my father was superintendent. I remember thinking it was a curse to my happiness in growing up and I kept wondering why me, God, why my mother and daddy.

    But I survived…and in my home there was never a discussion about going to college when I finished high school. No. The discussions were about which college I would attend and how education opened doors of endless opportunities. My father once told me that the whole earth was my territory – that I could be anything I wanted to be if I worked hard and believed in myself.

    It was good advice, although I discovered after my graduation from the University of Texas in Austin with an accounting degree and my first job working for a prestigious accounting firm in Houston, that my territory was missing a basic component known as a level playing field.  For example, I made $600 /month working side by side with a male friend who complained about his $900 /month salary. Same job. Same duties. I was a cum laude graduate – he wasn’t. Long story short – I talked to my dad who suggested I confront my HR guy and figure out where the problem was.

    My boss Mr. Terrell sat behind a desk as big as my cubicle in an office the size of my apartment. We were on the 17th. floor of the Bank of the Southwest building in downtown Houston, and I looked out on his incredible vista of the city as I sat down to talk. The talk was brief and to the point: I was a woman who might become pregnant  when I got married and, therefore, waste their investment in me while my  cohort John was a man who would get married and become the provider for his family and continue his uninterrupted career. End of discussion.

    I explored different parts of my territory while I worked in several jobs as a CPA in the early 1970s from the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific Northwest  to end up in the southeastern Atlantic Coast state of South Carolina after a detour for a couple of years in Fort Worth, Texas. Every position I had was the same. I always was paid less for equal work. I was in a nontraditional occupation for a woman in those days and struggled against the oppression I felt wherever I went.

    I was with my father in his hospital room at Herman Hospital in Houston in August of 1974. He had just gone through the ordeal of a surgery that removed much of his colon and left him with a colostomy bag that he was struggling to get to know.  But he was talking to me about my career and the reality of my territory.  Why don’t you be your own boss then? Why don’t you set up your own CPA business if you don’t like how you’re being treated?

    So in a time when our code of ethics prohibited any form of advertising if you were a CPA, I started my own business and made my way with the help of my clients who became my friends for the next thirty-four years from small business owner to financial planning for other small business owners to participating in helping people with savings for education, retirement, and estate planning to provide a safe financial future for their loved ones.

    I found my place in my territory, but my father wasn’t with me on the journey. He died in 1976, twenty-two months after that surgery and my conversation with him. He was fifty-one years old.  He was my mentor and my friend and the best example of public service in an era that valued educators.

    Now his once-upon-a-time vision of his daughter’s territory will be realized forty years later for another Baby Boomer daughter whose mother dared to believe she could become President of the United States of America.

    One of my favorite Texas cousins, Nita Jean, texted me Tuesday night as history was being made right in front of us on the Democratic National Convention floor as we watched from our respective living rooms in Texas and South Carolina. State after state on the roll call cast votes for Hillary Rodham Clinton to become the first woman nominated by a major political party. Honestly, I wept through that entire roll call. Regardless of feelings about Secretary Clinton, it was a moment that affirmed me and every other little girl and woman in this country and was a statement about our worth across the globe that transcended partisan politics.

    Nita Jean’s text was jubilant, and she asked me this question: What do you think your father would have thought about this night?

    I replied that I thought he would have been ecstatic and happy to celebrate with me!

    My dad taught me my love of poetry, and one of his favorite poems I memorized when I was a child listening to him read to me out of his Best Loved Poems of the American People was from the Lay of the Last Minstrel by Sir Walter Scott. I’m sure my father wouldn’t have minded my substituting the word “woman” for “man” on this historic occasion.

    Breathes there the woman with soul so dead who 

    never to herself has said,

    This is my own, my native land.

    Whose heart has ne’er within her burned

    as homeward her footsteps she has turned

    from wandering on a foreign strand…

    This is my own, my native land…my territory, and tonight I hear the echoes of a group of women at Seneca Falls, New York in 1848 as they gathered for the first women’s rights convention in the nation. I wonder if they ever dreamed of a day when a woman could be nominated for President. Thank you, Shirley Chisholm and all those women and men who have worked to make the hopes and dreams of that Seneca Falls Convention come true. We the people are better for it.

  • Human Frailty


    Full disclosure to avoid any semblance of plagiarism – I stole this idea from my current favorite BBC series Lark Rise to Candleford. (Current to me but originally aired in 2008 – 2011.) Dorcas Lane is the postmistress caught in a wave of changes to her small town of Candleford in Oxfordshire at the end of the 19th. century. Her notoriety extends beyond the walls of the post office due to her persistent meddling in everyone’s affairs.

    Her maid Minnie is a wonderful addition to the cast in the second season with her penchant for asking questions that are “extraordinary.” In the episode I watched today, Minnie is a-twitter with questions about just what does Happily Ever After really mean in affairs of the heart. Dorcas is prepared to answer with wisdom to share and spare.

    “We all want life to be simple and our relationships to be enchanted and then along comes human frailty. Before we know it, all will be lost.”

    Human frailty. I have seen a ton of that going around in the world lately. So much so that it seems like an epidemic. Waves of it. Oceans of it. Human frailty runs rampant from Orlando to Dallas to Minnesota to Baton Rouge. It zigzags through a packed crowd in a huge commercial truck in Nice, France before striking again in a failed military coup in Turkey. It shouts angry hate-filled  rhetoric in a large convention hall in Cleveland, Ohio before skipping across the Atlantic again  with gunfire in a shopping mall in Munich. Behind every evil stands the specter of human frailty.

    Thank goodness for the relief of Lark Rise, a break from the onslaught of bad news on my favorite 24-hour news channels with their 24-hour news cycles. Yes, give me a good conversation with Twister Terrell, another of my favorite friends from Lark Rise, who sums up what happens when human frailty runs rampant.

    “Some folks got neither logic nor reason nor sense nor sanity.”

    Here’s hoping somewhere… sometime… somebody unravels the key to human kindness and compassion for each other that will not only change the news cycles but enable us to rediscover the logic, reason, sense and sanity that our human frailty disguises.

    Like Minnie, I long for Happily Ever After.