Category: The Way Life Should Be

  • Wanda came to a city near us!

    Wanda came to a city near us!


    Wanda Sykes was in Augusta, Georgia Saturday night

    at the Miller Theater

    Pretty surprised me at Christmas with tickets to see my favorite comedian Wanda Sykes who did, indeed, come to a city near us this past weekend. Wanda “live” was a bucket list experience for me, and Pretty found this event on Wanda’s current tour of the United States in Augusta which is only an hour from where we live. Our friends Francie and Nekki were up for the fun and laughs that made my bucket overflow!

    I chose Wanda Sykes as my first Black History Month honoree because she is one of a kind. One of my favorite quotes of hers wasn’t in her performance Saturday night but it’s a classic:

    I’m a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.

    Tell it, Sister. You make me LOL – no, for real. Laugh out loud.

    If Wanda comes to a city near you, treat yourself.

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    Thank you, Pretty, for this special treat; Wanda was all I hoped she would be.

  • Molly, Molly, how do I love thee?

    Molly, Molly, how do I love thee?


    Happy Birthday to our granddaughter Molly Iris who is now one year old!

    (maternal grandmother Gigi laughs at Molly’s first cake experience)

    visiting pup Riley happy to make the party – but what’s up with no cake?

    Molly and her Daddy enjoying time outdoors after cake

    meanwhile, 3 year old big sis Ella focuses on the magical mysteries of sticks

    Molly is a second blessing for Pretty and me this past year – we can’t believe how quickly she’s growing – entirely too fast to suit us. But we are grateful for our time with both granddaughters and their parents Number One Son and Pretty Two whose love for their daughters and us gives hope for the future.

    Molly, Molly, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways – too many to count. Priceless.

    ****************************

    Slava Ukraini. For the children.

  • BJU and Me: Queer Voices from the World’s Most Christian University

    BJU and Me: Queer Voices from the World’s Most Christian University


    “Bob Jones University is a Christian, fundamentalist, nondenominational liberal arts school in Greenville, South Carolina. BJU was founded in 1927 by Christian evangelist Bob Jones Sr., who was against the secularization of higher education and the influence of religious liberalism in denominational colleges. For most of the twentieth century, BJU branded itself as the ‘World’s Most Unusual University’ because of its separatist culture. Many BJU students come from fundamentalist communities and are aware of BJU’s strict rules and conservative lifestyle. So why would queer students enroll at BJU?

    A former queer student of BJU himself, Lance Weldy has come to terms with his own involvement with the institution and has reached out to other queer students to help represent the range of queer experience in this restrictive atmosphere. BJU and Me: Queer Voices from the World’s Most Christian University provides behind-the-scenes explanations from nineteen former BJU students from the past few decades who now identify as LGBTQ+. They write about their experiences, reflect on their relationships with a religious institution, and describe their vulnerability under a controlling regime.

    Some students hid their sexuality and graduated under the radar; others transferred to other schools but faced reparative therapy elsewhere; some endured mandatory counseling sessions on campus; while still others faced incredible obstacles after being outed by or to the BJU administration. These students give voices to their queer experiences at BJU and share their unique stories, including encounters with internal and/or external trauma and their paths to self-validation and recovery. Often their journeys led them out of fundamentalism and the BJU network entirely.” (back cover)

    Editor Lance Weldy is professor of English at Francis Marion University in Florence, South Carolina where Pretty and I met him in April, 2018 when he invited us to his campus to participate in Pride Week with a panel discussion of Southern Perspectives on the Queer Movement: Committed to Home, the stories of twenty-one pioneers in the establishment of organizations for the LGBTQ communities in South Carolina.

    l. to r. Michael, Lance, Pretty, me, Pat at the event on April 04, 2018

    When we were there, Lance told me about a writing project he was working on that also involved first person narratives of queer folks who had a Southern connection but his stories would focus more directly on his alma mater Bob Jones University. His project became this important work published by The University of Georgia Press in June, 2022.

    I am thrilled for Lance and for the queer students who are the brave survivors of persecution at BJU (a name with a double entendre not lost on them) for making their voices heard. Their oppression done in the name of religion follows a long history of odious acts performed by those identifying as true believers and the equally long tradition of those who refuse to succumb to that oppression.

    The book is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and other booksellers. Celebrate these stories – a part of the queer fabric that comprises the original coat of many colors.

    Onward.

  • never play this game after midnight

    never play this game after midnight


    If you only had two words to describe me, what would they be? I asked Pretty night before last when we were in bed and both still awake after midnight.

    The Australian Open began this week – the first Grand Slam tennis tournament of 2023 – my professional tennis addiction would be in full display for the next two weeks. Oh yes, I watch the events “live” on Australia time which means play begins at 7:00 p.m. my time and continues throughout the night until someone (me) is asleep in front of the Telly. Pretty hangs for a while but goes to bed around 10 o’clock. Pretty is a bit of a wuss, Mate.

    But I digress. On this particular night the AO had just started, and I wasn’t quite in match shape yet so I had come to bed a little before midnight only to find Pretty up late finishing a book she loved. I took my bedtime meds which tend to make me a little chatty with Pretty who prefers peace and quiet and no bedtime meds if possible. I climbed into bed, got under the covers and for some reason I can’t remember decided to play a two-word game with Pretty who admittedly tried to ignore me at first.

    Ok, I said, I know what two words I would use to describe you. Funny and smart. Yep, 100% funny and smart are the two words that come to my mind immediately if you asked me to describe you in just two words. Of course, I have lots of other words, too, but those are the first two words.

    Silence.

    Ok, I said, now what are the first two words you would use to describe me?

    Hm, Pretty said. Well, of course I would say Funny right off the bat. For sure Funny, but I’m having a little trouble with the second word. I’m trying to think of a second one, but hm…is dogged a word?

    Dogged? I asked. Didn’t you mean something like determined?

    No, Pretty said. I’d have to say stronger than determined, and she turned a page in the book she was reading.

    How about persistent? I tried.

    No, definitely not persistent, she replied. Much, much more than persistent, she added.

    I continued to run other words past Pretty who never looked up from her book: tenacious? purposeful? focused? resolute? She continued to shake her head with each guess I offered.

    No, she said, I’m staying with my original “dogged.”

    But you weren’t even sure what that word meant, I protested.

    I just remembered, Pretty said. At this point she sighed, closed her book, and reached to turn off her light.

    Not to be outdone I looked up “dogged” in my Webster’s Thesaurus today in the bright light of day – the synonym given was “stubborn.”

    Point taken. I should have been thankful for Funny – and let it go.

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    Slava Ukraini. For the children.

  • it’s a simple matter of justice – remembering Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

    it’s a simple matter of justice – remembering Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.


    1993 March on Washington for LGBTQ Equality

    Thirty years ago this April I marched with the South Carolina delegation in the 1993 March on Washington. It was a life-changing experience not only for me but for hundreds of thousands of LGBTQ folks and their straight allies.

    I loved that the commemorative poster for the event featured a quote from one of the Civil Rights movement leaders I most admired: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The framed poster has been hanging in every office of mine since then.

    “Our freedom was not won a century ago, it is not won today,

    but some small part of it is in our hands,

    and we are no longer marching by ones and twos

    but in legions of thousands,

    convinced now it cannot be denied  by human force.”

    On this special holiday dedicated to you I say thank you for your example of nonviolent social justice change, your ultimate commitment to the possibilities of freedom for all, your powerful voice that spoke for those who could not speak for themselves. Rest in peace, Dr. King, but keep the living stirred up for equal justice for all people everywhere for as long we walk the earth.

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    Slava Ukraini. For the children.