storytelling for truth lovers

  • Ella and the Family Reunion

    Ella and the Family Reunion


    Ella and her six-year-old cousin Dansby share picnic at

    Alverson family reunion in upstate South Carolina

    my first family reunion, so many people and everyone’s my cousin

    cheetos and hot dog perfect for picnic

    I feel like dancing

    look at that girl cousin – she’s dancing

    I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
    You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
    May you never take one single breath for granted,

    God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
    I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,

    Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
    Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,

    And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

    I hope you dance… I hope you dance…

    and she did

    *********************

    Slava Ukraini. For the children.

  • Skeleton in the Closet (from Deep in the Heart)

    Skeleton in the Closet (from Deep in the Heart)


    “Pass Grandpa Schlinke the fried chicken, Sheila Rae,” my grandmother Dude said as I was about to take a drumstick from the platter in front of me. “You know he always gets the first piece.”

    How could anyone forget, I thought. I picked up the platter and gave it to my great-grandfather, who sat like a king at the head of our dining room table. He looked imperious as he sat there in his starched white shirt and black trousers held up by dark suspenders. His face was inscrutable as he searched the platter for his favorite pieces. He found the two best ones with white meat, the breast and the pulley bone, and picked them up with his fingers.He placed them ceremoniously on his plate. With something of a grunt, he passed the meat to my Grandma Schlinke, who was seated on his right.

    And so, the order was established. Every dish went first to Grandpa Schlinke, and then made its way from him to the rest of us. Uncle Toby, my mother’s brother who lived with us, sat next to Grandma Schlinke. Then came Daddy, who sat at the foot of the table at the opposite end from Grandpa. Mama sat next to him, and I sat in the middle between her and Dude, my mother’s mother. Dude had to be next to Grandpa so she could jump up to get him more sweet tea or homemade rolls. He had a healthy appetite.

    Grandpa and Grandma Schlinke were my grandmother’s parents. They lived in Houston with my Uncle Otto, who was their youngest son. Once each summer they came to Richards which they considered way out in the country to stay with us for a few days. Everything changed when they visited. For one thing, we ate every meal in the dining room, which we rarely used. For another, I slept on a pallet on the floor because we really didn’t have enough beds for everyone. It was okay, but I was usually happy to see them leave.

    They were mysterious to me. I first believed part of the enigma was they didn’t speak English well. They had spoken German until their thirteen children brought English home from the public schools. As I got to know them better, I decided they weren’t big talkers in any language.

    Every morning after breakfast, Grandpa Schlinke would order me to bring him the newspaper, which he would take to a rocking chair on the front porch. There he would sit and read and rock. Always dressed in the same white shirt and black pants with suspenders. And bare feet. One of the few comments he directed toward me was to caution me about shoes. “Shoes are the tools of the devil,” he pronounced.

    I tried very hard to like this crusty old man because he was Dude’s father. I loved her so much I knew I should love him, too. She was always thrilled to have her parents visit and wanted everything to be just right for them. I felt I should try to entertain him, since Daddy and Dude were at work, and Mama was gone to college in Huntsville, where she was working on her degree. Uncle Toby was forever listening to his “Back to the Bible” broadcast on the radio and working crossword puzzles. Grandma Schlinke constantly cleaned or cooked. She would sweep the kitchen several times a day. Who knew why?

    At any rate, that left me to sit with Grandpa Schlinke on the front porch while he rocked. “What are you reading today, Grandpa?” I asked one morning. “The news of the day,” he replied. “Anything in particular?” I persisted. Being eight years old, and trying to play the genial hostess for this gruff ninety-something-year-old man was challenging.

    He paused in his reading and stared into the space in front of him. His eyes were small for his big German face with a nose like Pinocchio. A slight breeze blew the few tufts of his white hair as he rocked. I tried to follow his gaze. The crape myrtles directly in the center of our vision were a brilliant hot pink and in full bloom. The grass was perfectly manicured and emerald, green. Across the dirt road was Anna and Tom Owen Smith’s neat white frame house that looked very much like ours. Nothing stirring there. Beyond their house we had in our sights the roof of the general store where Dude worked. I heard a bee humming in some verbenas near where we sat. There were no other sounds. It was going to be a long day for me with this old man.

    “I was in jail once,” Grandpa Schlinke said from out of the blue. “The sheriff came to my house and arrested me and took me to the county jail.” He stared some more. My mind snapped to attention. This was a news flash. My first thought was, did Mama know? She wouldn’t have liked to think that her grandfather had ever been in jail. I knew that without a doubt. That was the wrong image of our family, for sure. Surely, Dude must have known. Maybe she had even been there when the sheriff came to take away her father. How old had she been? My mind was racing with a million questions. I had to be careful, though. This was a situation requiring great diplomacy to elicit valuable information. I walked on eggshells.

    “What did you do?” I asked. I was trying to keep excitement out of my voice so that Grandpa would continue. He sat and looked upward to the blue sky, apparently for direction. “I had eleven living children of my own, and then my brother died. He left two more, Arnold and Amelia. I promised him I would take care of them for him. So now we had thirteen children on our farm. There was no money and the cotton crop was very poor.”

    He stopped. I waited. No one got arrested for having thirteen children and a bad cotton crop, did they? Surely not. Grandpa turned in the rocker to look squarely at me. He looked right through me with those beady eyes and spoke again. “I had a neighbor named Neville Johnson who told me we could make a lot of money in a new business that wasn’t hard to learn. Neville had capital to get started. So, we made a partnership. Neville and me. Partners. Sealed with a handshake and our word.”

    Grandpa paused, gazing again at the crape myrtles. Finally, he turned and looked down at me. He seemed to have reached a momentous decision. I held my breath. “We built a still and made moonshine whiskey in the back of my farm. We made good money for a few months. I was getting caught up on paying my bills. My children were eating regularly. Life was better.” His eyes grew moist. “One night Neville Johnson didn’t come to the still. Instead, the sheriff came that night and busted up everything we had. He arrested me and took me to jail. The deputies threatened me with guns and called me a kraut-head. The booming business was over.”

    I nodded encouragement and waited expectantly for more of the story. Grandpa calmly picked up his paper and resumed reading. Apparently he was finished. A few questions would be left unanswered.

    I asked Dude about this episode later, and she said she knew. Of course, everyone knew. He had come back from jail after a few months. Her brothers had planted the cotton while he was away. The moonshine money had kept them fed and clothed until the next cotton crop was sold. That was all you could say about it, she implied.

    I never took up the matter again with Grandpa Schlinke, but somehow the story made him seem real to me. Maybe the reason he didn’t talk a lot was he was too busy with his memories of people who were no longer there. Like Neville Johnson.

    *******************

    The blossoms of the crape myrtle tree in our front yard will soon be ablaze with the bright pink signature color I love most – perhaps because pink was the color of the ones in the yard at my grandmother’s house in Richards, Texas. Crape myrtles love the summer heat in South Carolina as they did the brutal Texas heat seven decades ago; today I was reminded of this story my great-grandfather shared with me when I was a child while we sat on a small front porch one summer looking at nothing but pink blossoms and his memories.

  • Outing at Soldier Field – Part 3 (from Not Quite the Same)

    Outing at Soldier Field – Part 3 (from Not Quite the Same)


    Soldier Field was like a religious experience for lifelong football fans. I grew up with Da Bears on television for the past fifty years. Teresa and I both knew most of the names on the murals that chronicled their fabled history. Red Grange. Papa Bear Halas. Dick Butkus. Walter Payton. William “Refrigerator” Perry. Jim McMahon. The wild and crazy players and coaches that were household names in our lives. It was like a trip to Mecca for a Muslim. It was holy ground for both of us.

    Our seats were in an end zone and very good. Hundreds of Bears fans around us with a few scattered Panther blues in the midst. It was a very different culture from our games at home. One of our first impressions was the maleness of the game. There were very few women in the entire stadium. Testosterone was the hormone of the hour, and it raged with a vengeance. The row of men behind us defined Da Bears as I always thought of them. Big blue-collar guys in their mid-thirties who loved their beer and their Bears.

    I learned some things I didn’t know, though. These men loved to sing. There was a fight song created in 1941, and the entire stadium was singing it on cue sixty-five years later. “Bear Down, Chicago Bears,” they sang lustily whenever the Bears made a good play or when the defense was asked to step up to stop us. That was a tall order this day. On the second play from scrimmage our quarterback, Jake Delhomme, hit our pro bowl receiver, Steve Smith, for a long touchdown pass to our end zone, and the tone was set. Teresa and I hugged each other, laughed, and were so excited. We couldn’t believe it, and neither could Da Bears. The rest of the game was close and could have gone either way, but we were never behind from that play in the first minute of the game. Unbelievable. Our relatively young professional football franchise held its own amid the echoes of the legends as the wind swirled around us.

    I begged Teresa for the blanket I hadn’t wanted to bring as soon as we sat down. And, although she tried to get me to wait until I was cold beyond belief, she did relent and put it around us. She also brought out all the scarves and wrapped them around our heads so that we looked like blue blobs sitting on black coats. We spent much of the game jumping up and cheering but then quickly trying to bundle back up when our blanket slid off. We froze.

    The men sitting next to us in our end zone said this was much too warm for football. They had wished for snow and sleet for the game so that our players wouldn’t be able to maneuver as well. The skies remained clear and sunny. The beer flowed freely, and the lines to the men’s restroom grew longer. The language grew saltier.

    Sometime in the third quarter one of Da Bears sitting behind us discovered an older fan seated several rows down from us. The man had a rainbow colored scarf and Da Bear said, “Hey, there’s a f—ing fag down there. Look at that rainbow scarf. Yeah, he’s queer and he’s proud, too.” All his buddies began discussing the fag in the scarf and then progressed to speculation about the number of fags on the Panthers team. Steve Smith was the most likely, they decided. I found it interesting the suspected football fag would likely be the Most Valuable Player for our win. Teresa and I looked at the man in the scarf and whispered he was most assuredly not gay; he had simply made an unfortunate coincidental choice in color for his scarf at the game. We should know.

    Da Bears behind us got drunker and rowdier and much louder as we entered the fourth quarter. At one point when they were out at the concession stands we talked about how offensive their language would be in other settings, but somehow we  rolled along and didn’t get angry. Maybe we were overwhelmed by the panoramic spectacle of Soldier Field. Maybe we forgave them because we were gracious winners. Maybe we were too cold to care.

    Toward the end of the fourth quarter the most vocal and possibly most inebriated Bear leaned down between me and Teresa and said to me, “You’re hot…I’d like to meet you in a hotel after the game for some fun. How about that?” I said thanks, but that wouldn’t be likely to happen.  He took it very well. Then, a few minutes later he leaned down between us again and said to Teresa, “You’re hot, too. How about a little kiss?” Teresa said ok and pointed to her cheek, but he was distracted by another guy and she was spared his affection.

    A little while later he leaned over again and said, “Hey, are you girls sisters?” Undoubtedly, there was a family resemblance due to the blue blobs on the black coats. “No, not sisters,” Teresa said. Silence as his inebriated thought process absorbed this. “Are you good friends?” He continued to try to figure out an increasingly puzzling situation. “Yes,” Teresa replied. “We are very good friends.”

    He let this sink in, stood up, and said in a thundering loud voice, “Very good friends…hey, you’re not lesbians, are you?” Teresa looked at me. Our eyes met, and we smiled at each other.“Yes,” Teresa said in the middle of Da Bears end zone in Soldier Field. “We are lesbians.” Da Bear announced this to all his friends and everyone else within earshot of his voice. “They’re lesbians – we’ve got lesbians sitting in front of us!” The shock was too much for him. It measured somewhere between disbelief and horror. He sank slowly into his seat. What happened next was astonishing. As his buddies began to get into the spirit of the “outing” and started to make loud derogatory comments, Da Bear would have none of it.

    “Hey, shut up,” he said to his friends. “That is not cool.” And with that, we never heard anything else from any of Da Bears for the rest of the game. Final score: Carolina 29 – Chicago 21. The underdogs won. Teresa told me later had she known we could quiet the end zone by telling them we were lesbians, she would have done it in the first quarter. I love that girl. She has set me free.

    To be sure, I have had many “outings” in my sixty years as a lesbian, but none more memorable or more public than the one in that end zone at Soldier Field.  An old Texas dyke with her South Carolina girlfriend on an unforgettable adventure surrounded by football history. It doesn’t get any better than this. It was bright and sunny the next day as our airplane left the runway in Chicago; Teresa and I both knew the Panthers hadn’t been the only winners that weekend.

    ***********************

    Thanks for making the trip to Soldier Field with us in January, 2006 – looking at Chicago in the winter makes me feel a little bit cooler in the heat of the summer in South Carolina. The “Outing” was a memory maker. Stay cool, stay safe and please stay tuned.

  • Outing at Soldier Field – Part 2 (from Not Quite the Same)

    Outing at Soldier Field – Part 2 (from Not Quite the Same)


    On Sunday, Game Day, we were caught up in our shared football passion. What  would we wear to sit in the cold at Soldier Field?  Most of our fan apparel was for warm southern weather so we had to wear layers of our blue and black Panther colors that we brought. Scarves and gloves and stocking caps, too.

    what we would have worn in South Carolina

    “Let’s don’t bother with the blanket,” I said. “It’s too much trouble to carry it through the Art Institute.” Did I mention we were taking a detour to spend a couple of hours at the Art Institute on our way to the football game at Soldier Field? “I think we might need the blanket,” Teresa said. “You know I’ll be glad to carry it.” I reluctantly added it to our bag of extra scarves, head gear and binoculars.  And off we went. The day was breathtakingly beautiful with bright sunlight, but the wind whipped its way into our bodies as it blew across Lake Michigan and onto the streets of Chicago as we walked.

    The Art Institute was crowded with the people who were not on their way to the Bears game. We covered as much as we could and were thrilled with the works of some of the same European artists we loved in Florence, Italy, last year. The mixture of artists and mediums was a visual assault. The personal discovery of a painting by Antonio Mancini called “Lady Resting”captured our attention. It was the only one by him, and we couldn’t believe how much this eighteenth century woman looked like Teresa with her dark skin and even darker eyes and hair. I remembered when my Uncle Ray met her the first time he visited in our home from Texas and asked if she were Eye-talian. How little we know of ourselves in this life. Maybe she was?

    We left art behind and joined the processional of Bears fans walking to the playoff game. Da Bears were out in full force – we were quite conspicuous in our Panther blues. We walked and walked and walked some more through Millenium Plaza and Park down to the Field Museum across from the new Soldier Field. I had to stop for a breather to sit for a few minutes before the final push to the game. And Da Bears just kept coming.

    We made our way to the entrance where we handed our tickets to the gatekeepers. Teresa went through just fine. “Your bar code’s invalid,” the ticket guy said to me when he scanned my ticket. My heart stopped. I couldn’t speak. I had ordered the tickets from an online ticket vendor called TicketDaddy, and I was nervous about their appearance when I got them in the FedEx package before we left. The man kept trying to scan my ticket without success and finally called his supervisor to take a look. He must have sensed that the senior citizen with the ticket was about to go into cardiac arrest if she didn’t get past him. The supervisor tapped my code into a hand-held computer that accepted it and told me to go in. I could breathe again.

    Teresa had been waiting for me while this minor melodrama had taken place but hadn’t heard what was going on. She said it was better she hadn’t. We were handed souvenir Bears rally towels as we went in. I almost didn’t take one. Then the fellow passing them out said, “Hey, it’s the Playoffs. You’ll need yours for crying when you lose anyway.” I took one.

    **********************

    Congratulations – you’ve made it through to the second round of the story! One more to go…please stay tuned.

  • Outing at Soldier Field – Part 1 (from Not Quite the Same)


    I realized at a very early age growing up in the piney woods in rural east Texas I was somehow different from my family and friends there. I didn’t understand the difference completely as a child.  And to tell the truth I spent a lifetime evolving from that early recognition to the social justice activist I became in my middle age years in South Carolina. “Coming Out” happened over and over again in many settings in my more than sixty years as a lesbian. At some point in your life, though, you begin to feel there will be no more surprises or discoveries. As they say in football, that’s why they play the game

         “Look out the window. It’s pouring snow,” I said as our plane touched down on the Chicago runway. Why do I say those things to a person who minutes earlier  clutched my arm and said with hushed hysteria, “We’re going down! We’re going down!”? And that was when the landing gear made the noise it always does in preparation for landing.

    “It doesn’t pour snow,” Teresa said. That’s my girl. Even the peril of impending death won’t interrupt her brain’s ability to spot an obvious grammatical gaffe. I love that mind of hers, but next trip it will definitely be sedated before takeoff.

    We were on one of those remarkable unexpected escapades that had never been a part of my life before Teresa. She is the definitive impromptu whirlwind that spices up my studious planning Taurus nature.  Life is an adventure, and I found it is not necessarily wasted on the young. This was going to be a big weekend for us.

    The Carolina Panthers, our pro football team in Charlotte, North Carolina, were in the 2005 NFC playoffs against the Chicago Bears. Teresa and I were both huge football fans and made the two hour drive from our house in Columbia, South Carolina, to see every home game during the five years we had been together. We watched some dismal losing seasons, but this year was a banner year. The win against the New York Giants last Sunday made this happen. So the following Friday we were on a plane from the warm and sunny state of South Carolina to the frigid windy city for the big game on Sunday afternoon at Soldier Field. Unthinkable in my prior life.

    The weekend was as remarkable as she is.  From the moment we got to our hotel in the city’s theater district downtown, we didn’t stop. In the midst of the wintry mix that night we walked to see two movies that weren’t playing in our town. Not one, two. Capote and Brokeback Mountain. Two movies with gay themes that would take several decades to be shown at home.  We saw them at a marvelous old theater called The Esquire that reminded me nostalgically of the downtown theaters of my childhood visiting Houston in the 1950s. Of course, the interior of the Esquire was broken up into the little theaters they all have today, but I could still recall the magnificent old Texas theater lobby in my mind. The smell of the buttery popcorn was the same.

    In between the movies, we had a wonderful Chicago pizza in a warm noisy restaurant near the theater. The people were friendly and in a jubilant mood. Tables and booths were packed. Standing room only. It suited our festive mood. By the time we finished the second movie and walked back to our hotel, we were exhausted.

    On Saturday morning we took a train out to the suburb of Oak Park, walked the streets of Hemingway and Frank Lloyd Wright. Teresa is a lover of books and authors, so this was sensory overload for her. We had a guided tour of the Hemingway family home for just the two of us. It was a slow Saturday for literary greats. We were the only visitors in the Hemingway Museum during the hour we were there.

    Next was the bitterly cold walking tour of the neighborhood where Frank Lloyd Wright began his career designing homes for his friends. My legs ached, and I could see my breath in the icy air. But Teresa’s face was alive with enthusiasm at the wonder of all we were seeing. Her intensity was invigorating, and so we moved on. She can never know enough. We never have enough time to see all she wants to see. There aren’t sufficient books in the souvenir shops for her to buy to read later to see what she missed while she was here. Never enough time to read them when she buys them. Her passion for knowing and seeing and doing is boundless; her energy is contagious.

    I was thrilled when we finally came to rest late that afternoon in a fabulous Mexican restaurant with plenty of heat besides the warmth of the picante salsa. I could feel my tired old bones begin to thaw. Teresa glowed as she related her favorite sights of the day. We took the train from Oak Park to downtown Chicago and made our way to our hotel. The plays in the theater district looked inviting, but we were afraid we’d pass out sitting in the dark for that long. Our hotel bed welcomed us with open arms.

    *********************

    When the heat index is over 100 degrees in South Carolina this week, I thought I needed a breath of cold air…brrrr….stay cool and please stay tuned.