Knock, knock said someone who was outside the situation room.
Who’s there? shouted President Humpty Dumpty who sat in the middle of a long oak conference table, surrounded by old white men he knew best – those he could trust implicitly to maintain secrecy for the matters involving the country’s current directions under consideration. Maga, Maga, Magoos. Hey, hey.
McDonald’s delivery, Mr. President, replied the young male voice on the other side of the door to the situation room. I have your two Big Macs, two orders of fries, plus eight Heinz ketchup packages, extra salt. One chocolate shake. The same order I brought you yesterday.
Somebody let this guy in, said President Dumpty in his loud voice. Bring me the food, bring me the food. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.
Dr. Wizard interrupted as a quiet murmur circulated throughout the group of twenty faithful MAGOOS who were shaking their heads. Mr. President, I don’t think this food is good for you at your age. We just celebrated your 79th. birthday over the weekend. Your diet is much more important now for your overall health to get a beautiful medical report.
Hey, Wizard, I count on you for the beautiful medical reports, answered President Dumpty. If my report isn’t as beautiful as the one we used before the election, you’re fired. Everyone at the table changed their head shakes to emphatic nods.
Tom Sawyer had opened the door to the situation room and retrieved two McDonald’s food bags from the delivery boy who waited in vain for a tip, sighed, and closed the door behind him. Sawyer took the food to President Dumpty who immediately began to eat. The aroma of cheeseburgers and fries filled the room while Sawyer sat down next to his friend Huckleberry Finn. The two exchanged glances.
All of a sudden President Dumpty threw a Heinz ketchup pouch at Dr. Wizard. What the holy f–k is this? he shouted. Whoever heard of pink ketchup? Smells like RFK Jr. BS to me. I let that freak get away with the vaccine drama because I could care less about measles, but when he starts messing with my ketchup, he’s gone too far. I want him gone. Somebody make a note.
No one moved until Atticus Finch remarked there could be legal repercussions with firing RFK Jr. this early in the administration. The President threw another ketchup package at Finch who dodged successfully.
You people annoy the hell out of me, President Dumpty said. I’ve had a beautiful idea of how to improve security to keep criminals and rapists from crossing along the southern border. Tomorrow I’m flying down to Texas to inspect the wall personally. I’ve asked the military to set me at the top of the highest section and plan to wave at the losers trying to cross from Mexico. No one understands our national security like I do. Meeting adjourned.
The next day, true to his word, President Humpty Dumpty flew to Texas and a Marine helicopter lowered him to a small chair at the top of the wall. Unfortunately, when he turned around to address the throngs of people below on the Mexican side, his beautiful plan became a disaster as he fell to his death on the American side. President Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, and no one could put him back together again.
Dr. Wizard became President. RFK Jr. was allowed to continue his war on vaccines and food dyes.
Stay tuned.
I'll Call It Like I See It 