I'll Call It Like I See It

by sheila morris

Author: Sheila Morris

  • Which Anniversary to Celebrate?


    Sixteen years ago today I stepped onto an airplane with Pretty to begin a spontaneous first trip to Cancun, Mexico. I had no way of knowing the day would be the beginning of the most important adventure of my life because at that moment I was more nervous than I possibly had ever been in my previous fifty-four years. Petrified.

    First of all, I never did anything spur-of-the-moment and this trip had been planned for exactly two days. Secondly, I had taken off work days during the week to make the trip – I rarely took days off from work. And third, I wanted to impress Pretty with my spontaneity and reckless abandon because I thought I needed all the help I could get to change our fledgling romance into a full-bloomed happening.

    As we landed in Atlanta in the early morning, I was disappointed to see the airport bar didn’t open until 9 o’clock, but I made sure we waited in chairs that faced the bar so that I would be the first person to race in for a screwdriver when the gate was raised. I needed fortifying.

    When we touched down in Cancun, I had been fortified again by the stewardess who served spirits in the air; my spirits were high by the time we landed. Pretty, on the other hand, remained loyal to her Diet Cokes.

    The Cancun trip was memorable for more reasons than I can discuss in this PG blog, but one of Pretty’s favorite stories from the trip was our floating in an inner tube down a section of river beside one of the tourist stops we made on a guided tour outside Cancun. Once again, I had been fortified by tequila shots I happily shared with our waiter at lunch and agreed to dash over to wait in line for our turn to hop into a shiny black inner tube with Pretty to join scores of other fun-loving gringos enjoying the sun as they leisurely hand-paddled their make-believe boats down the beautiful, calm river.

    Unfortunately, I had forgotten to mention my water phobia to Pretty who was quite taken aback when I sat frozen on the top of the tube and was unable to help paddle it. The tequila shots were no match for my fear of falling out of the tube into the river.

    Gone was any more pretense of the reckless adventurer – my true sober self revealed itself to Pretty when she had to jump out of the tube and swim to shore – pulling the tube and me along with her. She always laughs when she tells this story.

    We both loved the trip, and we both agree it was one of the most fun times we’ve had. It was the beginning of an amazing life that continues to produce laughter on a daily basis. We are lucky, and we know it.

    So this is an anniversary we can celebrate today, but we will also celebrate our first anniversary on April 24th, the day we legally married in 2016.

    Why not celebrate both?

    Thank you, Pretty. Where you lead, I will follow…if you need me to be with you, I will be there.

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    having dinner in Cancun – February 09, 2001

     

  • The First Census – North Carolina – 1790


    Life with Pretty is always an adventure with few dull moments. For example, we just spent at least five minutes downstairs hollering at each other about whether I had used her gift certificate she gave me for Christmas for a free massage with our friend Meghan or not, and she must be right… because she must be right, which is a family trait on her daddy’s side.  All of this heated discussion started when I found a Subway gift card I had given her for Christmas in the envelope with the massage certificates. It was downhill from there.

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    Pretty on the steps of Casa de Canterbury

    One of the biggest bonuses of life with Pretty, however, is her fascination with books – any book, all books – which has resulted in the largest collection of books in Casa de Canterbury I’ve personally seen anywhere other than a public library or the Adams house in Quincy, Massachusetts where John and John Quincy kept their books in a separate building from their home.

    I find myself having access to unique books as a result of Pretty’s library, and last week she had a copy of the First Census – North Carolina lying on a stack of books in our living room. The Department of Commerce and Labor Bureau of the Census took the first census of the Heads of Families in the year 1790. Pretty’s copy of this North Carolina count was printed in 1908 by the Washington Printing Office. To put this in historical perspective, the Union consisted of 12 states when the First Census Act was passed on March 1, 1790 and signed by President George Washington, who was, as we recall, our first President.

    In that first census in North Carolina, there were five categories of people to be counted:

    (1) Free white males of 16 years and upward, including heads of families

    (2) Free white males under 16 years

    (3) Free white females, including heads of families

    (4) All other free persons

    (5) Slaves

    Now why would I have any interest in this very old census, you might ask? Good question. The answer is Ding, Ding, Ding! the daily double.

    I have relatives from both of my paternal grandparents who lived in North Carolina in 1790 when this census was taken, and I wondered if I might be able to locate any of them. I knew about my family’s early connections to the state through my Ancestry Family Tree which has now given me way too much information about my forefathers.

    For example, my fourth great-grandfather William Morris was born in King George County, Virginia in 1730 and died in 1802 in Anson County, North Carolina. I wondered if I could find him in the 1790 Census since he likely would have been living in North Carolina at that time. Totally made sense.

    And in fact, I did find not one, but two William Morrises living in the Fayette District of Anson County, North Carolina during the census-taking.

    The first William had 1 free white male of 16 years and upward, 1 free white male under 16 years, 2 free white females and 2 slaves. I really was thunderstruck by that. I’m not sure what I had thought about my 4th. great-grandfather, but I had never in my wildest dreams imagined he was a slave owner. Surely it was a mistake.

    The second William Morris had 2 free white males of 16 years and upward, 1 free white male under 16 years, 2 free white females…and 4 slaves. Oh my God, I thought, that’s even worse.

    The ancestors I assumed would hold some moral objection or righteous indignation at the concept of owning another human being were actually slave owners themselves. I felt ashamed and sick at heart. I didn’t like that DNA flowing through me. I wish I hadn’t found it out, but there it was printed in a book published by the government.

    Well, back then everybody in North Carolina owned slaves – it was part of the agrarian economy, right?

    Wrong. While many of the households had slaves, many did not. My people did.

    My friend Millie Miller warned me that if I went down the Ancestry trail I would find out things I might not want to know. She was right – that same being right trait runs in her family, too, by the way.

    Nothing can change the reality of my family’s participation in this dark blight on American history – I would give anything if I could change that.

    But February is Black History Month, and what I can do today is celebrate the victories that have occurred in the Civil Rights movement during my lifetime and recognize the vast chasms of inequality that are the remainders of generations of oppression yet to be overcome and do my part to be on the right side of history in this moment.

    As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Our freedom was not won a century ago, it is not won today; but some small part of it is in our hands, and we are marching no longer by ones and twos but in legions of thousands, convinced now it cannot be denied by human forces.”

  • Dear Edie Windsor


    Dear Edie Windsor,

    Today is the 13th. day of the new regime in the oval office that is apparently now the cesspool from whence both tweets and executive orders spew forth with reckless abandon and no regard for the rights of the citizens of the republic which they were elected to serve.

    As the daughter of Russian Jewish immigrants, you must be particularly saddened at the sights and sounds of the past few days in our nation’s airports where innocent travelers’ lives were interrupted, families were separated and our American values of welcome and acceptance to those trusting us for safe harbor were randomly impugned. Shame on this administration and shame on us if we don’t fight them like you fought your entire life for the causes of social justice and equality for all.

    But today I want to give you some good news that is my way of saying thank you for the journey you took for marriage equality in the LGBT community. The Supreme Court ruling in June, 2013 for your case the United States v. Windsor has been described as “the most influential legal precedent in the struggle for LGBT marriage equality.” The dominoes of discrimination against us began to topple and fall after that ruling and before you could say two shakes of a lamb’s tail, my partner Teresa and I were the first same-sex couple to be granted our marriage license in November, 2014 in Richland County, South Carolina – the 35th. state to recognize equality.

    I can’t tell you the number of LGBT marriages that have taken place in our state since then, but I regularly see pictures of weddings via social media and personal messages of young people and older ones, too, tying the proverbial knot, as our straight friends have always said. It’s a good thing.

    Yet, this weekend, in the midst of an unbelievable national wave of hatefulness and exclusion, my wife and I went to a shower for two young lesbians who are getting married next month – a natural next step in their belief for the pursuit of happiness as they see it. It was a festive fun evening with the usual “games” for the brides-to-be, great southern barbecue with all the trimmings, a special Signature Cocktail (which I can personally endorse) and champagne for everyone.

    What made this particular shower different, however, was that the hosts were eleven straight couples with a plus one…all of them friends of the parents of one of the brides-to-be. The parents of both brides were there, and everyone celebrated the upcoming nuptials. As I mingled and talked with our friends who were the hosts, I felt I was in a different universe from the one where I didn’t dare to dream about marrying another girl when I was growing up in rural southeast Texas in the 1950s. It was if a magic carpet had transported me from a land of ignorance to a place of enlightenment. Truly remarkable.

    And so I wanted to share this joyful time with you, Edie, because you are one of the major reasons these two young women have the same hopes and dreams for their family that their straight friends do.

    Believe me when I say you were there in spirit. They may not even realize who you are and what you have done for them, but I want to simply say “I do,” and I’m forever indebted.

    Warmest wishes,

    Sheila Morris

    (reprinted with permission of Auntie Bellum magazine: http://auntiebellum.org/mag/ )

  • GRAND SLAM GREATS!


    It’s a wrap. The first tennis Grand Slam of the 2017 season is officially in the books, and the hits just keep on rolling.

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    The Williams Sisters share a private chat…

    while waiting to collect the spoils

    that belong only to the victors

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    Serena wins her 23rd. major and the big cup,

    but Venus didn’t lose in this tournament

    I am awarding Venus and Serena Williams The Red Man’s Memorial Paw Snaps and Twirls – the highest honor possible for two American women who personify persistence and perseverance to be the very best in their sport and in so doing, prove repeatedly that they are both the images of true champions. Their love of family speaks volumes about their character, and their love of playing tennis is a gift we can all appreciate and be grateful for.

    You rock, girls – keep going. Records are made to be broken.

    And then came the men’s final with Rafa Nadal and Roger Federer. Another gut-wrenching five-set match for the ages. As Australian commentator Darren Cahill said, “It’s a privilege to be able to be here and watch this amazing final.” I felt the same way sitting in the bleacher seats at Casa de Canterbury – how lucky am I to see these two passionate competitors one more time in a major final. Hooray for great tennis!

    Roger won his 18th. Grand Slam which increases his lead over Nadal and Sampras who are tied at 14. Roger was once again the Swiss Magician as he worked his magical aces and unusually magical backhands.

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    Relief and Reflect – savor the moment

    will this be the last?

    Thirty-five used to be ancient for a professional tennis player, but Roger Federer defies the norm and continues to prepare to play at the championship level even after a six-month sabbatical from the tour to recover from a knee injury. This year the tennis gods were aligned to give him a great ride in the Australian Open, and I enjoyed celebrating with him and his team early this a.m. when he won.

    I am also awarding Roger Federer The Red Man’s Memorial Paw Snaps and Twirls Award for performance above and beyond the realm of mere mortals as he vanquished the little yellow ball and his own fears in a clash of wills as much as skills.

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    Lordy, lordy.  Charly and I are exhausted from our live coverage of the Australian Open. We left the comfort of our king-sized bed every morning at 3:00 a.m. to go downstairs to indulge my passion for watching the matches as they were happening a world and many time zones away. Viva Australia – whatever day it is for you – I can never keep up, but I love you and my Australian followers mucho.

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     Onward to the French Open in the spring.

  • Throwback Thursday? No Way! Throwback Australian Open!


    If I could turn back ti-yahhhhhmmmme, as Cher famously sang, or if I could put time in a bottle, as Jim Croce once crooned, I’d have quite a few wishes involving the positioning of certain body parts and the lubrication of others (knees, naughty readers). But I can’t turn back time.

     I will leave time travel to the four finalists in this year’s 2017 Australian Open: Serena Williams and Venus Williams in the women’s final, Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal in the men’s.

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    A Midsummer Night’s Dream Down Under

    1st time in Grand Slams all 4 finalists in their 30s

    The Williams Sisters have been the poster girls for American tennis for almost twenty years. Venus who is now 36 years old will play her 35-year-old younger sister Serena for the trophy in the tournament where they first played each other professionally in 1998. Let’s go over that again.

    Venus and Serena Williams first played each other away from their sandlot version of tennis for real at the Australian Open in 1998 – nineteen years ago. Venus won and has beaten Serena 10 more times since then, but Serena leads the overall series 16 – 11. Venus is the oldest woman to reach the finals in the Open Era and has overcome enormous personal physical challenges to play tennis at all, never mind at the championship level. She hasn’t been in a final in Melbourne since 2003. That’s a long wait.

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    Serena is a woman on a mission for her 23rd. Grand Slam title which would put her in a championship class of her own ahead of Steffi Graf who now shares the most Major title wins with her at 22.

    “For us both to be in the final is the biggest dream come true for us…a Williams is going to win this tournament…” Serena said after her semi-final win.

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    The Williams Sisters of yesteryear

    Tick, tock, tick, tock…tennis days are fewer in the future than they were in the past for these two great American tennis icons, and I can’t wait to have my sleep interrupted one more night tonight to join them via the magic of the little screen at 3:00 a.m. ET in Australia.

    If Pretty didn’t know better, she’d think I’d been having an affair for the past two weeks. And in a way, I have.

    Roger Federer. Rafael Nadal. I can’t believe two men could give me so much pleasure, but I confess they have made me as happy when they’ve won Grand Slams on tennis courts through the years as the Lady Gamecocks do when they win bouncing bigger balls on a gym floor.

    Roger and Rafa have played each other 34 times – nine of those have been in a Grand Slam final. Rafa has won 23 to Roger’s 11, but the Swiss Magician will have an extra day of rest before the men’s final in Melbourne Sunday morning, and that makes a difference in body recovery time.

    And is it just me, or does Nadal seem to have to exert twice the energy Federer does to get the same winning results over his opponents?

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    The Nadal family ecstatic after his semi-final win

    Both Nadal and Federer were tested by grueling five-set matches in the semi-finals by younger competition; yet somehow, somewhere within themselves the great ones seem to find one more backhand up the line, one more forehand cross-court winner,one more ace, one more crouching volley at the net, one more overhead swing before the ball bounces, one more whatever to carry themselves to match point.

    Whether graceful or grinding or some combination thereof, they persevere for years longer than they have to – or probably should force themselves to – because they have what so few younger players have these days: a passionate love for the game of tennis. It’s not about the money, folks, for these legends. It’s about the little yellow ball – and what they want to do to it.

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    My heart is with Venus and Rafa, but I’ll be satisfied with one of the best Australian Opens in my memory regardless of who holds the trophy.

    Game on.