Category: Humor

  • Pretty scolds me

    Pretty scolds me


    As we turned into the driveway this morning from running errands that included taking Carl to the vet over the river and to the city for evaluation and annual shots by 9 a.m., then driving completely in the opposite direction from the vet to my eye doctor to pick up a pair of eyeglasses being repaired but breaking the heavy traffic with a quick stop at the Rush’s drive thru for our daily fix of iced tea. When I saw the large Ukrainian flag we fly at the edge of our carport, I said oh my goodness. Those poor Ukrainian people are having such a horrible life; I see the images every day of their losses. I continuously worry so much about the children.

    When Pretty came to a stop at the carport, she turned to me and said you are so negative. You always see the worst in everything anymore.

    To which I replied, maybe because I am getting old.

    May Sarton (1912 – 1995) was a Belgian-American novelist, poet, and memoirist who wrote in her journal At Seventy published in 1984: “What I want to convey is that, in spite of the baffling state of the world around us – war in the Falklands and in the Middle East, poverty, recession, racism at home – it is still possible for one human being, with imagination and will, to move mountains. The danger is that we become so overwhelmed by the negative that we cannot act.”

    What I want to convey to Pretty is that, in spite of the baffling state of the world around us – war in Ukraine and in the Middle East, poverty, inflation, racism at home, a former president of the United States surrendering today for defying the laws set forth by our founders in the Constitution – it is still possible for one human being, with imagination and will, to move mountains. The danger is that we become so overwhelmed by the negative that we cannot act.

    I believe that in the past six years I have become more overwhelmed by the negative than I realized so from this day forward I promise to project positivity for the sake of my family, friends, and followers.

    Hm. I hope I haven’t chosen a bad day to make that pledge. TV news off.

    ***********

    P.S. The eyeglasses weren’t ready – the woman told me she had been on vacation so the lens had arrived but they hadn’t been placed in a frame. They will call me. But not to end on a negative note, the woman at the Rush’s drive-thru was the friendliest person ever. Seriously, the…friendliest…person…ever.

  • longing for Happily Ever After

    longing for Happily Ever After


    A benefit of having written 869 posts over the past fourteen years is the luxury of searching for subjects I’m certain I must have written about at some point in time. As I prepared for the onslaught of news surrounding the surrender of a former president of the United States to the state of Georgia tomorrow for issues concerning the election of 2020, an ex-president who was well acquainted with the concept of human frailty, in addition to the circus atmosphere already evident in preparation for the first debate in the 2024 presidential election by the Republican candidates tonight, I searched for a piece I wrote in 2016. Sure enough, as my mother would say, I found my opinions on human frailty haven’t changed.

    Full disclosure to avoid any semblance of plagiarism – I stole this idea from my current favorite BBC series Lark Rise to Candleford. (Current to me but originally aired in 2008 – 2011.) Dorcas Lane was the postmistress caught in a wave of changes to her small town of Candleford in Oxfordshire at the end of the 19th. century. Her notoriety extended beyond the walls of the post office due to her persistent meddling in everyone’s affairs.

    Her maid Minnie was a wonderful addition to the cast in the second season with her penchant for asking questions that were “extraordinary.” In the episode I watched today, Minnie was a-twitter with questions about just what does Happily Ever After really mean in affairs of the heart. Dorcas was prepared to answer with wisdom to share and spare.

    “We all want life to be simple and our relationships to be enchanted, and then along comes human frailty. Before we know it, all will be lost.”

    Human frailty. I have seen a ton of that going around in the world lately. So much so that it seems like an epidemic. Waves of it. Oceans of it. Human frailty runs rampant from Orlando to Dallas to Minnesota to Baton Rouge. It zigzags through a packed crowd in a huge commercial truck in Nice, France before striking again in a failed military coup in Turkey. It shouts angry hate-filled  rhetoric in a large convention hall in Cleveland, Ohio before skipping across the Atlantic again  with gunfire in a shopping mall in Munich. Behind every evil stands the specter of human frailty.

    Thank goodness for the relief of Lark Rise, a break from the onslaught of bad news on my favorite 24-hour news channels with their 24-hour news cycles. Yes, give me a good conversation with Twister Terrell, another of my favorite friends from Lark Rise, who sums up what happens when human frailty runs rampant.

    “Some folks got neither logic nor reason nor sense nor sanity.”

    Here’s hoping somewhere… sometime… somebody unravels the key to human kindness and compassion for each other that will not only change the news cycles but enable us to rediscover the logic, reason, sense and sanity that our human frailty disguises.

    Like Minnie, I long for Happily Ever After.

    *************

    Slava Ukraini. For the children.

  • stuck in the Middle with you

    stuck in the Middle with you


    Due to the writer’s strike across America, I have been asked by Fox News to lead a team of writers that will flush out their programming for the Republican presidential primary debate on August 23rd. Wise men say only fools rush in where political operatives fear to tread so I quickly accepted. My team consisted of campaign speech writers I designated Captains from all candidates who qualified for the debate not to be confused with all qualified candidates, and at our first meeting we met during cocktail hour somewhere.

    I think we should begin with prayer, I said to the group, and Pence’s Captain immediately bowed his white head of perfectly coiffed hair. No, no, Pence Person – I meant prayer to start the debate, not a prayer for our meeting. Oh, he said as he swatted a fly swirling perilously close to his head. I sighed as everyone else in the room shifted uncomfortably. I made a note No Prayer, too controversial.

    Moving on, I said. Does anyone have ideas for entertainment to pump the Nielsen ratings with a larger viewing audience for the debate, something to attract the Movable Middle which traditionally ignores all debates? Think out of the box on this one, I continued. To get us started, why don’t we come up with a new theme song?

    I’ve got an idea, the Christie Captain said enthusiastically. How about a Stealers Wheel Tribute Band singing Stuck in the Middle with You? We could even ask band members to wear pink baseball caps with “I’m a Real Republican” logo.

    Okay, I responded. Let’s take a look at the lyrics:

    Well, I don’t know why I came here tonight, I’ve got the feeling that something ain’t right.
    I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair, and I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs
    . Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right. Here I am stuck in the Middle with you.

    A buzz filled the room, heads nodded approval vigorously, and spontaneous applause erupted. One hand in the back of the room, however, was timidly raised during the clapping. Excuse me, the Ramaswamy Captain said, but what kind of band is a stealers wheel band, and do we really want to highlight stealers during a debate featuring the leading candidate who is currently facing 91 felony charges across his criminal indictments?

    Suddenly the room got very quiet.

    Heck, yeah, the Christie Captain answered, but I sensed a change in the atmosphere. Not so fast, my friends, I thought.

    Hm. I made a note: No to Stealers Wheel band, Yes to new theme song; contact Kid Rock and Lil Wayne about performing.

    Okay. Great work, group, I said. I’ll send my notes to Fox. That’s enough for today. Meeting adjourned.

    (Cocktails and light hors d’oeuvres courtesy of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas if you can contribute $1,000 to his next Bahamas vacay. Hey, nothing from nothing leaves nothing.)

  • The Tahoe Ten

    The Tahoe Ten


    The Tahoe Ten: East meets West for four days of fun and frivolity

    at beautiful Lake Tahoe

    (l. to r.) Debra, Pretty, me, Audrey, Jo Ann, Angie, Chris, Joan, Nekki, Francie

    Last week our friends Nekki and Francie placed Pretty and me on another American Airlines jet for our second (remember our first trip was to France) 2023 vacation requiring air travel thanks to their miles generosity – this time flying across the country from South Carolina to the California/Nevada border in Lake Tahoe where we met our old California friends Audrey and Debra we hadn’t seen in more than a dozen years, made new California friends Joan, Angie, Chris and Jo Ann we hoped we didn’t have to wait another twelve years to see again. I have christened us The Tahoe Ten.

    sign in kitchen in our lovely rental home – ok, this made me nervous

    Joan (packing necessities) arranged this fabulous trip for us!

    Francie had a tendency to supervise while Jo Ann remained cheerful, always helpful

    Angie admires Debra’s parasol for boating excursion on Lake Tahoe

    All Aboard!!

    Meanwhile, back on land…

    nighttime fun and games included Trivial Pursuit and shooting pool

    South Carolina Slo and California Chris big winners for very long game of 8-ball

    Pretty and me with Lake Tahoe and Sierra Mountains in background…

    on an unforgettable drive to Fallen Leaf Lake

    Audrey at Fallen Leaf post office

    (before our next stop at Harrah’s later that afternoon)

    special thanks to Jo Ann and Chris for poker education!

    sadly, Nekki’s luggage made trip to Phoenix instead of Sacramento

    (so she was seen wearing Pretty’s night gown)

    she and Francie were all smiles when Nekki’s luggage finally arrived

    all good things have to come to an end, but as Joan found out at the airport…

    Francie the OG Prankster can’t let a trip go by without somthing to remember her for

    As my mother used to say, this will be a Memory Maker, and I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thankfully no bears came through the kitchen window in our lovely mountain house, but we couldn’t leave without hugging the one that greeted us as we said farewell to The Tahoe Ten. If laughter was any indication, our trip was also a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. We loved being with everyone – both old and new friends. East met West with great success!

  • passing the torch at the beach

    passing the torch at the beach


    Let the word go forth from this time
    and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed
    to a new generation of Americans.”

    — John F. Kennedy, January 20, 1961, Inauguration Day

    (l. to r.) 3 year old Ella and her Nana, 5 year old Collins and her Kitty

    friends in the water

    friends on dry land

    Let’s blow this popsicle stand

    Grandma Camp at Folly Beach, South Carolina

    all photos courtesy of our designated photographer Nekki

    ****************************

    Slava Ukraini. For the children.