I'll Call It Like I See It

by sheila morris

Category: Humor

  • Carport Kitty keeping cool – wherever

    Carport Kitty keeping cool – wherever


    That’s me on the relatively cool porch across the street from my carport home. Every morning I walk over to the neighbor’s house after breakfast to try to beat the South Carolina heat. I stay there – keeping an eye on any activities in my carport – until the late afternoon when I come “home” for snacks or supper, preferably both. Brothers and Sisters, it takes a village when you hustle on the street, and I’ve got this routine nailed down. My mama didn’t raise no fool. Oh, that’s right. My mama didn’t raise me at all.

    I’m a survivor, though.

    Finally trained the old white-haired woman for delicious meals

    Gotta stay fresh

    ******************

    Stay safe, stay sane, stay cool and please stay tuned.

  • Tina and Elvis

    Tina and Elvis


    My first major league concert was to see Brenda Lee perform in Houston when I was in the seventh grade in 1959. My daddy and mama took me to see her because I loved her songs and her singing when I was thirteen years old living in a small rural town in Grimes County near the Sam Houston National Forest deep in the Piney Woods of southeast Texas. I was raised on gospel music concerts in singing conventions at Bays Chapel Baptist Church on Sunday afternoons following dinner on the grounds. Good quartet singing with different relatives participating, good piano playing by the greatest gospel piano player of all time Charlie Taliaferro.

    I can’t imagine either one of my parents spending money to buy the tickets – much less driving me nearly 80 miles from Richards to Houston for the Brenda Lee concert unless they had planned a side trip to the Bargain Gusher to look for clothes for work. What I remember most about my first concert experience was the large number of strings hanging from Brenda’s petticoats. We must have had binoculars; she must have been without a wardrobe person that night.

    Through the years my memories of musical concert experiences include Neil Diamond, Elton John, Diana Ross, Dolly and Kenny, Dolly by herself, the Judds (twice), Cher, K.T. Oslin, Bette Midler, Patti LaBelle, Cynthia Clawson (in church – does that count?), Willie Nelson (twice), Nancy Griffith, Alison Kraus, Melissa Etheridge, the Indigo Girls and the infamous Prince concert for my 65th. birthday. Infamous because Prince was one of Pretty’s favorites – we had great tickets, but I listened from the steps of an exit at the Colonial Life Arena – the decibels were intended for younger ears than mine.

    What I think about today, however, are the two performers I had the opportunity to see but passed on for whatever lame reason I had at the time: Elvis and Tina Turner. For the life of me I find these two blanks on my concert cards the most troubling since Elvis’s Golden Records released in 1958 was the first lp album I ever owned. My maternal grandmother’s sister, my Aunt Dessie from Houston, gave the album to me because she knew I had a portable turn table in a small square blue box that would play it. She was right – I played that album over and over again. Thank goodness the turn table was sturdy.

    Elvis was the young man with sideburns who promised to spend his whole life through loving you which I interpreted as loving me, but he was then drafted into the Army during the Korean War. I couldn’t believe the government was that cruel when Elvis sang they shouldn’t be. Yes, Elvis, the man whose musical career I followed throughout his life from sex symbol to husky size. He made sixteen personal appearances in Houston between 1954 and 1976, but I saw Brenda Lee.

    Elvis also sang one concert at the Carolina Coliseum here in Columbia on February 18, 1977…six months before he died. I remember thinking I ought to go since I lived within 15 minutes of the coliseum – but opted to wait for a later time that was not to be. As for Tina Turner – what was happening in my life that would prevent my attending her concerts at that same Carolina Coliseum in 1985 or 1987 or 1993? Pretty told me she saw Tina with her sister Darlene at the 1985 concert – in her BS (before Sheila) years. That’s Pretty for you – naturally she wouldn’t want to miss Tina’s hits like What’s Love Got to Do With It?, Private Dancer, Nutbush City Limits, We Don’t Need Another Hero, and my all-time favorite of favorites Proud Mary. Clearly I missed the Tina personal appearance boat, but wait. All was not lost.

    Thanks to the 21st. century miracles of You Tube videos I’ve had the best seat in the house at Tina Turner’s concerts in Barcelona, London, Amsterdam, Rio – I’ve joined tens of thousands of fans at some of the largest venues in the world. I’ve drooled as I watched Tina perform Proud Mary with Beyonce at the Grammy Awards – and shed a tear during a special performance of Simply the Best on the intimate set of the Oprah Winfrey Show for Oprah’s 50th. birthday celebration where she and Tina embraced after they danced together. Oh yeah, I’ve seen Tina in concerts, in interviews, in a documentary of her life – the good news is I can watch her whenever I want to, as often as I like and not have to worry about the person in front of me being too tall.

    Pretty indulges my Tina time with a smile of understanding, even encouragement. She still owes me for Prince.

    As for the old Elvis You Tube experience, count Pretty out.

    ****************

    This post was originally published in August of last year – what prompted the reblog? Oh gosh, coincidentally going to see the recently released Elvis movie in the same week I randomly scrolled You Tube and landed on the Amsterdam Tina concert. What are the odds?

  • kids say the darndest things (part 2)…

    kids say the darndest things (part 2)…


    For example, this conversation took place between Naynay (the name my granddaughter gave me) and our almost three year old granddaughter Ella near the end of a two hour ride in the Grannymobile on our way this past May to the upstate for a few days in the Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina just above the South Carolina state line. Ella had slept most of the trip, was waking up from her afternoon nap.

    I began to talk to her about the beautiful mountains we were going to see, about our responsibility to protect them when we visited, to make sure we always put our trash in the trash cans and never littered. I told her our generation had made a mess of the environment – that I hoped she and Molly would do better…she had listened intently I thought when all of a sudden she rolled her eyes (a la Pretty) and said “Oh Naynay, you make me sooo tired.”

    Sigh. How many other people feel that same way – but are too polite to tell me. I shudder to think.

    Before our granddaughters were born Pretty and I vowed to not be the stereotypical grandmothers who talked about their grandchildren incessantly, who always had a cute story about what one of them had said or done. We have failed miserably. Ask any of our friends or family we talk to on a regular basis, and they will be happy to tell you that no conversation takes place with us anymore unless there is a story about one or both of our granddaughters.

    Periodically I cannot resist the urge to share their wit and wisdom with our cyberspace friends and family. Pardon me for this interruption of my usual heavier topics. The world indeed weighs heavily on me these days, but thank goodness for the joy I find in our granddaughters. Ella will be three years old on October 1st; Molly was born on January 26th of this year.

    We recently kept the girls for two days and nights while their mom and dad went down to the beach for a long weekend. Our babysitting started on a Friday and we worked very hard to entertain them with indoor activities on Friday afternoon plus pool time for Ella on Saturday with Pretty while I kept Molly inside to watch tennis with me. Saturday at noon I asked Ella if she wanted to talk to her mother on the phone. She nodded so I dialed Caroline. The following telephone call took place.

    Caroline: How is it going with the Nanas, Ella?

    Ella: We’re having a good time. When can you pick us up?

    Pretty and I burst out laughing together.

    That Saturday afternoon I took Ella on a little walk up our street in front of the house. She seemed to be having a good time – there were a few puddles in the road from the rains the night before – and she was eager to splash in them. After a few minutes of splashing Ella stepped out of the puddle and turned toward the direction we had just come from. “Naynay, do you know where our house is?” she asked with anxiety. “Yes, Sweet, that’s one thing I’m confident we can find.”

    I’ll close with this one that took place yesterday. Pretty usually goes to Ella’s camp classroom to pick her up in the afternoons while I stay in the Grannymobile with Molly. Yesterday I told Pretty I wanted to surprise Ella and pick her up myself. Of course, Pretty was happy for me to go but repeated the instructions for reaching the classroom several times to make sure I could negotiate the entrance process. No problem.

    I found the classroom without a hitch, and Ella ran smiling to me when she saw me in the doorway. The teacher helped us get Ella’s snack, her lunch bag, and her water. All was well as I held her hand walking down the hallway until she stopped, looked up at me and said suspiciously “Naynay, how did you get in the building?”

    Good question. I told her she’d have to ask Pretty.

    ****************

    Bonus pictures from Caroline’s Facebook.

    Ella gets first haircut (June, 2022)

    Molly and big sister Ella on Father’s Day (June, 2022)

    ******************

    Slavia Ukraini. For the children.

  • a walk on the wild side with the OG a/k/a Bully Cat

    a walk on the wild side with the OG a/k/a Bully Cat


    The saga of Carport Kitty continues almost without interruption – she has left the warmth of her winter heating pad, forsaken the luxury cat condo we keep ready for her, sleeps under one of our cars every night instead (how weird is that?), greets me every morning at daybreak as I set off for my walk, says goodnight to me every night as she waits for her Temptations. Her friends the Black Cat with the White Chest and the Yellow Cat now known as the Orange Tabby drop in to share her yummy pate on a regular basis until my loud rants shoo them away.

    turkey and giblets pate is lip smacking good

    But the one constant presence that intrudes on CK’s happiness is the Original Gangster I call the Bully Cat who stalks Her Highness in search of free food to supplement his own obvious care. On any given day I may have the opportunity to share my walk with this made for TV cat.

    hey, you with the cell phone – get outta my ‘hood

    whatever, I got nothing for you

    mind your own business – I’m on my payola patrol

    moving on – get outta my way

    I said get outta my way

    time to take a break from my rounds

    get lost, loser lesbian – this neighborhood is mine

    I know you’re not still here?

    ok, let’s make it official –

    I’m otw home so you need to get lost!

    some peeps can’t take a hint

    my crib – don’t dare follow me

    Of course I wouldn’t follow Bully Cat in his home turf, but I have to admit a certain fascination with the family who provides him with food, shelter and a random flea collar. Wouldn’t you be?

    *****************

    Thank you for your interest in the Carport Kitty story. Unfortunately, CK remains a true urban feral calico who allows me to pet her briefly at her meals but shows signs of slowing which may be a factor of heat or of her ongoing mobility issues. She has spunk, though, so don’t count her out yet.

  • The In-Between Years

    The In-Between Years


    This post was originally made on December 31, 2012 – many of you might have missed it, and others will be reminded perhaps of what you were feeling on that New Year’s Eve ten years ago when you read it for the first time.

    Through the good or lean years and for all the in-between years is a line from a Frank Sinatra classic All The Way. As I lay 2012 to rest for a final countdown before the ball drops in Times Square in New York City tonight, I ask myself to rate the year as good, lean or in-between. Understand this is a subjective, biased, prejudiced and totally personal evaluation. It meets none of the standards for any Academy of Anything and as such, is not subject to review by a replay official. I’m not sure if the year passed as quickly for you as it did for me, but I confess mine seemed to pass faster than a falling star so I hope you have a notated calendar to refresh your memories as mine does for me.

    The first day of 2012 I was in Texas and spent New Year’s Day with my mother who lived in a personal care residence with two other older women and the two wonderful sisters who cared for all of them. She was in the severe stage of her dementia and, although I had no way of knowing it on that day, she wouldn’t survive the year;  neither would the other two women who shared the home and enjoyed my New Year’s visit. I’ve always loved women of any age, and these were some of the most entertaining ever.  It was a good start to the new year.

    IMG_5392

    Mom

    IMG_5394

    Miss Ann

    IMG_5393

    Miss Virginia

    Whenever I’m in Texas I always have great visits with my favorite Aunt Lucille who lives in Beaumont, one of my least favorite Texas towns. My aunt will be ninety-three years old in 2013 and is an avid reader and crossword puzzle aficionado. She lives now in an independent living apartment in a retirement community in Beaumont. The nearness of neighbors and a standing dinner group of six women from her building in the late afternoon for dinner suit her social nature, her need to be out and about. Movies? Politics? TV shows? Books? Ask my aunt about any of these and she’s in her element with an attitude toward life that says hey take your best shot at me, but I’m hanging in for as long as I can. In 2012 I saw her more than a dozen times which was more than I’d visited her in one year…ever.  Each visit lifted my spirits and was just plain fun.

    IMG_3556

    My favorite Aunt Lucille

    The year confirmed my status as a bi-stateual with extended periods of time in Texas and South Carolina plus keeping the roads hot from here to there and back. My partner Pretty traveled with me whenever she could get away from her job – I managed to coerce other friends to make the trip when she couldn’t go with me and refused to let me drive by myself any more. Even with my “new” eyes from a second cataract surgery in July, my truck bears the dents and dings of my parking misadventures and alas, let’s face it. I have a GPS but occasionally disagree with it, and then I find I am not there when I need me. I am somewhere else.

    Pretty and I did some fun trips during 2012. At the end of February, which is our anniversary month, we drove to Valle Crucis, North Carolina, in the Blue Ridge Mountains for a couple of days of work and play. She worked.  I played.

    IMG_5612

    Blue Ridge Mountains, Boone, North Carolina

    Six months later in August we had a family vacation with our son Drew and his girlfriend Caroline. We drove to the northeast to sightsee and spend time together, to try to re-group from the losses earlier in the year. Abraham Lincoln blessed us in Gettysburg and we traveled safely to the shores of Maine, along the coast in Rhode Island, saw beautiful scenery in Pennsylvania and Connecticut. Boston was a hit for many reasons not the least of which was its good food. We counted on Caroline to make sure we ate at the best restaurants according to her online guides.  Iphones were in; Pretty and Drew had dueling GPSs that didn’t always want to go in the same direction. So many gadgets…so much confusion. So much merriment.

    088

    On my birthday in April I was at the funeral of the woman I knew as a second mother for over forty-five years. She and my mom were as close as sisters. They were both heartbroken when I had to separate them four years ago because they could no longer take care of each other. Willie Flora was eighty-two in March of this past year and my mom was eighty-five that same month. Willie died on April 14th in Richmond, Texas and my mom died eleven days later in Willis. It was sorrow upon sorrow.

    IMG_1122

    Willie

    In September my neighbor Heather and I had a shower for another neighbor, Becky, who created additional excitement by announcing that her water broke a couple of hours before the shower was to start. High drama, but we moved the time up, she came and opened her gifts, had a piece of cake and was then whisked away by her husband Gary to the hospital where she gave birth to her third baby boy four hours later. George is growing by leaps and bounds and should be a fine nuisance for his older brothers Oscar and Dwight.

    021

    Dwight plus Oscar plus cookie jar = Good Times

    024

    George in his New Baby phase

    In November my third book was published and I was thrilled with how it looked when it came from the printer. I loved the cover and had a sense of accomplishment as I placed it in my office next to my first two books. I hope my cyberspace friends will want to read the final version since you’ve shared a number of the stories with me in the past year right here on this blog. There is freedom in growing older and a sense of entitlement to Call It Like You See It — and even sweeter to see what you’re calling in print

    Good year? Lean year? In-between year? The votes have been tallied by an unreliable CPA (me) and I have to report the in-between has it. Births and deaths mark our beginnings and our endings, but the middle is what keeps our attention. I’ll lay 2012 down tonight and pick up 2013 in the morning. I can’t predict what will happen in the New Year, but I can predict I will struggle to stay awake to ring it in.

    Pretty and I wish all of you a Happy and Healthy New Year!  Thanks for stopping by…

    ***************

    P.S. I would lose my favorite Aunt Lucille in 2013. I think of her often and am grateful for that Texas time with her.