I'll Call It Like I See It

by sheila morris

Category: Humor

  • Bully Cat returns, but I am conflicted

    Bully Cat returns, but I am conflicted


    Late yesterday afternoon I peeked down at our back door steps through the glass in the kitchen door because it was about Carport Kitty’s dinner time, and I wasn’t about to miss her visit – our only time to bond since she now resided at Neighbor John’s heated cat condo.

    But what to my wondering eyes did appear on the top step where Carport Kitty usually waited for me?

    The horrid Bully Cat! The Bully Cat who appeared for all the world to think HE was coming to dinner – what on earth possessed him?

    Well, I sprang into full frenzy mode – I jerked the door open, shouted obscenities, waved my arms in the air and followed him as he made his way out of the carport. Interestingly, my diatribe didn’t seem to scare him as much as it did me. He ran, then stopped periodically to see if the hysterical old woman was still following him, then ran again, stopped, repeated. Finally he made his way across the street and down the hill.

    I was furious, fuming and flabbergasted all at the same time. Needless to say Carport Kitty was nowhere to be seen for her food yesterday.

    During my morning walk today, I thought I caught a glimpse of the Bully Cat a block up from our house. I was walking in a different direction so I couldn’t be sure. Then I was 100% positive when he confronted me five minutes later.

    He stopped, seemed to be weighing his options

    he came over to me as if we were the best of friends,

    my tirade forgiven

    then Bully Cat slowly sauntered on

    When he walked off, I thought he looked a little thinner. I wondered if he was getting enough to eat. Sigh.

    But when I got home from my walk, someone was waiting for me.

    hello, is it me you’re looking for?

    ************

    Stay safe, stay sane, get vaccinated and please stay tuned.

  • the return of the cat formerly known as Lilibets

    the return of the cat formerly known as Lilibets


    Following the incidence with the Bully Cat in our carport three weeks ago, and perhaps coincidentally with much cooler weather, sightings of Lilibets went dark. That is to say, as quickly as the stray cat made us her new best friends, she vanished. Pretty and I became alarmed when she didn’t make her normal breakfast and dinner times but assumed she must be “wintering” at Neighbor John’s house in the heated condo he provided. Perhaps he now served Fancy Feast, too. I skulked outside John’s house so many times looking for a glimpse of the cat I was afraid I might be mistaken for stalking. (Skulking a lot is not the same as stalking.)

    Being the Alarmist that Pretty knows and calls me, I began to imagine the cat had been mauled by the Bully Cat, lay meowing for help, dialing 911, being run over in the road because that is how an Alarmist’s imagination works…until…

    Last week I passed Neighbor John’s house on my regular morning walk and who should I see sitting as big as you please in the sun in his driveway but our cat Lilibets. Naturally, I began to speak to her, to tell her we missed her, wouldn’t she like to drop by for a meal every once in a while. She looked at me with utter disdain, as if I had been a complete stranger making a fool of myself. I picked up the fragile pieces of my heart and walked home.

    When I relayed this story to Pretty, she said Okay, this cat is officially all yours. When I protested, she said no, no – all yours.

    This morning was a glorious fall day for my walk.

    Coming down Cardinal this morning

    Passing by Neighbor John’s house, I gave my usual check for Lilibets, and what do you think I saw?

    Lilibets herself under Neighbor John’s truck in his driveway!

    Again I called to her, said how happy I was to see her, how had she been? Nothing. I was apparently dead to her. Somewhat sadly I walked the few houses down to our driveway where I saw her water and food bowls Pretty had bought for her when she named her Lilibets.

    I saw Neighbor John’s truck go past as I walked up the kitchen steps and waved to him. He didn’t wave back.

    Then I went inside to do the regular feedings for Spike, Charly and Carl but came back outside a few minutes later only to spy her royal highness Lilibets.

    I wasted no time in preparing her favorite meal.

    she wasted no time in eating it

    Such a happy ending for an Alarmist. Who knows when my cat will return, but when she does, her new name will be Carport Kitty.

    **************

    Stay safe, stay sane, get vaccinated and please stay tuned.

  • let’s talk infrastructure – better days ahead

    let’s talk infrastructure – better days ahead


    Life is messy, to quote a favorite Pretty-ism, and governing in a democracy of 333,600,000+ citizens is as messy as it gets. While electing 435 Representatives and 100 Senators to enact legislation that will “form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity” sounds like a sensible plan, well…even the preamble to the Constitution occasionally gets lost in translation.

    President Joe Biden’s ambitious agenda reflected in a House bill called the Infrastucture Investment and Jobs Act passed in the House of Representatives by a vote of 228 yeas to 206 nays (with 13 Republicans voting yes and 6 Democrats voting no) as the clock approached midnight on November 5th., nearly three months after the Senate passed its version of the bill on August 10th. – three months of very public internal disagreements among Democrats that insured no domestic tranquility in the Congress amid plummeting poll numbers for Biden. Messy politics.

    So what’s in it for me, you ask. Why should I care?

    Hm. Raise your hand if you are tired of overcrowded interstate highways patched together with crazy glue, holding your breath in fear as you cross crumbling bridges over the rivers or angst about fires in the woods on the way to grandmother’s house for the holidays, racing to archaic airports unable to handle the traffic in the air above them or the press of the passengers scurrying to different gates for connecting flights in terminals, cringing at the idea of drinking water from your kitchen tap, worried about climate change but so overwhelmed with the concept you have no idea whether recycling is a myth, the skyrocketing price of gasoline for a car too old to be a hybrid or driving a new electric car in a frantic search for a charging port, hoping you will have WI-FI when your children attend school in cyberspace, wishing you had a mass transit system that wasn’t created in 1904, and wondering if the grid for your power will hold during surges for heat in the winter or whether you will be sitting in the dark, freezing, with thoughts of burning your tax returns for survival.

    Yes, my fellow American citizens, I see your hands raised in frustration, anger, doubt, about the intelligence and/or integrity of your elected officials who seem to be incapable of playing well together when the game is on the line. I feel your pain – my hand is raised high above the white hair on my head. Hint to elected officials: the game is on the line.

    Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy, come blow your horn. There should be joy in America tonight mixed with gratitude for legislation promising better days ahead that will propel our nation’s infrastructure into the 21st. century. President Biden’s campaign promises to improve prosperity for ourselves and our posterity haven’t struck out. Indeed, he is still at bat in the White House, and he’s swinging for the fences. You go, Joe.

    *********

    Stay safe, stay sane, get vaccinated and please stay tuned.

  • where did Halloween go?

    where did Halloween go?


    Ghost, ghost said our two year old granddaughter Ella as Pretty (a/k/a Nana) rolled her away in the grocery store cart from the Nana car in the parking lot toward the store entrance this afternoon. She was, of course, referring to the gigantic white ghost inflatable that had weaved and bobbed to her when we went to the same store two weeks ago. Such fun. Much laughter. Not scary.

    Oh, Halloween is over, and the ghost won’t be there today, Pretty told her.

    Ok, Ella replied with her favorite response to adult answers lately.

    Fast forward to our ride in the car on the way home when she sat in her car seat facing backwards watching YouTube kids version on Nana’s cell phone which is clearly the best entertainment when you can’t see where you’re going. I had my customary place next to Ella in the back seat while Nana was our designated driver.

    We rode past a house in her neighborhood that had been decorated with a huge display of Halloween inflatables for weeks but was now a plain typical yard like the other ones, and Ella looked out the window as we passed.

    Looking directly at me with great sincerity she asked Naynay, where did Halloween go?

    Pretty and I both laughed out loud but then had to come up with something, anything.

    Without blinking an eye, I said Halloween was over – it had been replaced by Christmas. Pretty jumped in from the front seat to add we would have another holiday called Thanksgiving before Christmas. I was grateful.

    Ok, Ella said, and went back to her Tubes.

  • Boo at the Zoo!


    Who do you think had the most fun this week at the Riverbanks Zoo & Garden annual Boo at the Zoo event? The pictures give the clues…

    Boo!
    Oh, Nooooo! and/or Oh, Yay
    I can’t bring myself to look – too scary

    Coco, Naynay, Mama, Daddy, Me, Nana

    From our family to yours!