Category: Humor

  • this is how Pretty rolls

    this is how Pretty rolls


    Every three months for many years I have sent a small check from our joint account to the Animal Rescue Mission in Columbia. Pretty understands I have a macro overview of the world’s problems.

    Pretty, on the other hand, puts this water bowl in the carport for a small cat who sleeps under our truck at night. She handles micro issues to rescue any animal she sees in need.

    P. S. Before you ask, we had a small mysterious fire in our carport this week from spontaneous combustion of South Carolina heat with flammable substance of undetermined origin. Remains and ashes directly above water bowl.

    Stay safe, stay sane, please get vaccinated and please stay tuned.

  • Tina and Elvis

    Tina and Elvis


    My first major league concert was to see Brenda Lee perform in Houston when I was in the seventh grade in 1959. My daddy and mama took me to see her because I loved her songs and her singing when I was thirteen years old living in a small rural town in Grimes County near the Sam Houston National Forest deep in the Piney Woods of southeast Texas. I was raised on gospel music concerts in singing conventions at Bays Chapel Baptist Church on Sunday afternoons following dinner on the grounds. Good quartet singing with different relatives participating, good piano playing by the greatest gospel piano player of all time Charlie Taliaferro.

    I can’t imagine either one of my parents spending money to buy the tickets – much less driving me nearly 80 miles from Richards to Houston for the Brenda Lee concert unless they had planned a side trip to the Bargain Gusher to look for clothes for work. What I remember most about my first concert experience was the large number of strings hanging from Brenda’s petticoats. We must have had binoculars; she must have been without a wardrobe person that night.

    Through the years my memories of musical concert experiences include Neil Diamond, Elton John, Diana Ross, Dolly and Kenny, Dolly by herself, the Judds (twice), Cher, K.T. Oslin, Bette Midler, Patti LaBelle, Cynthia Clawson (in church – does that count?), Willie Nelson (twice), Nancy Griffith, Alison Kraus, Melissa Etheridge, the Indigo Girls and the infamous Prince concert for my 65th. birthday. Infamous because Prince was one of Pretty’s favorites – we had great tickets, but I listened from the steps of an exit at the Colonial Life Arena – the decibels were intended for younger ears than mine.

    What I think about today, however, are the two performers I had the opportunity to see but passed on for whatever lame reason I had at the time: Elvis and Tina Turner. For the life of me I find these two blanks on my concert cards the most troubling since Elvis’s Golden Records released in 1958 was the first lp album I ever owned. My maternal grandmother’s sister, my Aunt Dessie from Houston, gave the album to me because she knew I had a portable turn table in a small square blue box that would play it. She was right – I played that album over and over again. Thank goodness the turn table was sturdy.

    Elvis was the young man with sideburns who promised to spend his whole life through loving you which I interpreted as loving me, but he was then drafted into the Army during the Korean War. I couldn’t believe the government was that cruel when Elvis sang they shouldn’t be. Yes, Elvis, the man whose musical career I followed throughout his life from sex symbol to husky size. He made sixteen personal appearances in Houston between 1954 and 1976, but I saw Brenda Lee.

    Elvis also sang one concert at the Carolina Coliseum here in Columbia on February 18, 1977…six months before he died. I remember thinking I ought to go since I lived within 15 minutes of the coliseum – but opted to wait for a later time that was not to be. As for Tina Turner – what was happening in my life that would prevent my attending her concerts at that same Carolina Coliseum in 1985 or 1987 or 1993? Pretty told me she saw Tina with her sister Darlene at the 1985 concert – in her BS (before Sheila) years. That’s Pretty for you – naturally she wouldn’t want to miss Tina’s hits like What’s Love Got to Do With It?, Private Dancer, Nutbush City Limits, We Don’t Need Another Hero, and my all-time favorite of favorites Proud Mary. Clearly I missed the Tina personal appearance boat, but wait. All was not lost.

    Thanks to the 21st. century miracles of You Tube videos I’ve had the best seat in the house at Tina Turner’s concerts in Barcelona, London, Amsterdam, Rio – I’ve joined tens of thousands of fans at some of the largest venues in the world. I’ve drooled as I watched Tina perform Proud Mary with Beyonce at the Grammy Awards – and shed a tear during a special performance of Simply the Best on the intimate set of the Oprah Winfrey Show for Oprah’s 50th. birthday celebration where she and Tina embraced after they danced together. Oh yeah, I’ve seen Tina in concerts, in interviews, in a documentary of her life – the good news is I can watch her whenever I want to, as often as I like and not have to worry about the person in front of me being too tall.

    Pretty indulges my Tina time with a smile of understanding, even encouragement. She still owes me for Prince.

    As for the old Elvis You Tube experience, count Pretty out.

    ****************

    This post was originally published in August of last year – what prompted the reblog? Oh gosh, coincidentally going to see the recently released Elvis movie in the same week I randomly scrolled You Tube and landed on the Amsterdam Tina concert. What are the odds?

  • it’s been so long since I’ve had pancakes I forgot the syrup

    it’s been so long since I’ve had pancakes I forgot the syrup


    So this morning I took three of the remaining nine frozen buttermilk pancakes from the freezer, removed the plastic wrap, carefully placed them apart on a microwave safe plate, heated them on high for 1 minute 40 sec, removed, took them to my tray table in front of my recliner in the den and began to eat as I watched tennis replays from last night’s matches at the Western and Southern Open.

    The pancakes were supposed to be my reward for more than five months of pancake abstinence in my personally designed program for changing old eating patterns that included three Eggo buttermilk pancakes for breakfast for as long as I could remember. I mean I could have done a commercial for these frozen pancakes for years. I fought a battle every day to just eat three of them – true love.

    But today I was disappointed in how bland they tasted. Seriously, what had happened to my favorite breakfast delicacy?

    I stared at my plate.

    No syrup, I thought. I had forgotten to follow the most important ritual of opening the pantry door every morning to get the bottle of syrup to place on my tray table while the pancakes were in the microwave. Sweet Suffering Jesus, as the Derry Girl mother would have said if she’d forgotten the syrup for pancakes.

    Also, I forgot the pancakes should be nuked in a small stack – not carefully separated like first, second and third base on a baseball field. Sigh.

    My reward lacked the punch I hoped it would pack.

    I think I’ll try again tomorrow morning. I do still have six in the freezer, and disappointing rewards should be given a second chance.

    ***********

    Stay safe, stay sane, please get vaccinated and please stay tuned.

  • Back to School! Back to School?

    Back to School! Back to School?


    Ella James says, Keep us safe

    “New, more contagious variants of the coronavirus are causing transmission and hospitalization rates to spike across the country as more than 50 million children head back to school, scuttling well-laid plans by school districts to safely return students to classrooms – some for the first time in over a year – and ratcheting up the politics of reopening.” (US News August 04, 2021 by Lauren Camera)

    Included in that stat of 50 million children returning to school in the fall of 2021 is our granddaughter, Ella James, who is going to preschool for the first time. She will be two years old on October 1st., and while I want to celebrate her opportunity to begin a journey in learning that will continue to spark the curiosity she already has, but since I am also the resident family “worrier,” I am almost a Gemini in my conflict about this coming Monday which will be her first day of school. For an unshakable Taurus to be of two minds is torture.

    Why am I the only one climbing these rocks?

    Ella’s first class will have nine boys and three girls. That doesn’t worry me.

    IMG_20210812_104327524

    Keeping all children safe as they go to school is not a political battle – it’s not about being a Republican, Democrat, or Independent. To keep our 50 million children, their teachers and staffs safe in whatever environment they are assigned is the responsibility of the adults in the room: in the school board rooms, in the governors’ mansions, in the state legislative conference rooms, in the halls of the nation’s capitol, in the Oval Office of the White House.

    I am tired of worrying about the coronavirus – I wish I had never heard the word Covid. But wishing does not mean this fight is over. Please, for the sake of the children, for the sake of yourself, get vaccinated. Wear a mask.

    **************************

    Stay safe, stay sane, and please stay tuned.

  • which little girl had the most fun at the zoo?

    which little girl had the most fun at the zoo?


    Yesterday was hot – not Phoenix, Arizona hot – but a typical summer day in Columbia, South Carolina that was hot with high humidity. What better time for Pretty and me to take our 22-month-old granddaughter to the zoo, right? The zoo?

    No, not the animal viewing side of the zoo. We’ll save that for the fall and cooler temps. Pretty had heard about the Waterfall Junction in the Botanical Gardens, however, and that was our plan for this babysitting day.

    everyone came to play

    Ella (in pink bathing suit) and Pretty stare at boys

    Pretty asks is this the most fun ever?

    Naynay, come – come get in the water with us!

    Ok, then. I’ll hang with Nanna.

    Wheeee – this is the most fun!

    I wonder if these boys would like to play with me?

    Who cares about them – I have my Nanna

    Wow – look at this big rock

    It’s the biggest rock I’ve ever seen up close

    Catch me if you can, Nanna

    I’m hiding from Nanna behind the water

    Sorry, Naynay – I have to play without you today

    I love the water!

    This yellow thing is as big as I am

    I don’t care – I’m strong

    Naynay, do you have my water bottle?

    Have I seen everything yet?

    I hope so – I’m a little tired

    I’m not THAT tired

    Nanna, wait for me! Is that an Olympics balance beam?

    I have to say I’m hard pressed to choose which little girl had the most fun today. Pretty releases her inner child with our granddaughter who has fun wherever we go, and I have fun watching them even when I forgot to wear a hat. Seats in the shade were at a premium; I had to play the old person card to get one.

    Our thanks to our friends Saskia and her son Finn who gave us a family pass to the Riverbanks Zoo for our birthdays this spring. This was our first time to use it, but I promise it won’t be the last.

    Stay safe, stay sane, get vaccinated and please stay tuned.