Category: Personal

  • It’s About Dreams Coming True


    The Grand Slam tennis tournaments are big deals at Casa de Canterbury and this week marks the beginning of the Wimbledon grass courts championships in London, England; so Teresa and I are listening to and half-way watching the ESPN and Tennis Channel coverage of the matches from 7:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. daily. Wimbledon is always held the last week of June and the first week of July which signifies half of the year is gone and Christmas is only 179 days away. It feels like yesterday was New Year’s Eve and the beginning of 2016, but when Wimbledon is upon us, I can’t argue with the calendar.

    Last night we watched Game Two of the College World Series in Omaha because we have a South Carolina team hanging on by a thread to play for the NCAA National Championship tonight.  The Coastal Carolina Chanticleers lost the first game of the three-game title series, but in a must-win game last night, they prevailed 5 – 4 in a fairy tale finish that signed off at midnight in our time zone. The “sugar” game as we used to call the decisive contest in a tie situation, will be played tonight and we will watch if our nerves can stand it. We will tune in to see if our version of a Cinderella team can put together the pitching and hitting necessary to win one for the Gipper, or in this case, their coach Gary Gilmore who has been coaching at Coastal Carolina for twenty-one years… a coach who took over a program that practiced and played on a baseball field covered by hole-digging moles when he was hired.

    Tonight his team will play under the lights at TD Ameritrade Park in one of the most storied events  in American sports to find out if they can make his – and their- dreams come true. High drama. Great story lines.

    No better story lines than the one today, though, that took place an ocean and continent away in the second round play at Wimbledon.  For a young man named Marcus Willis ranked number 772 in the world, his dreams came true as he had his day in the sun (or in this case under a closed roof) when he played the living tennis legend Roger Federer.  Willis’s road to this moment wasn’t easy. He had to win three pre-qualifying , then three qualifying matches to be admitted to the tournament where he played a first-round match Monday against a much higher-ranked opponent; he won for his seventh win in a row on the grass courts.

     

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    Pinch me, I’m playing Roger Federer…

    Wimbledon Matches Played:

    Federer 90, Willis 01

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    …on Center Court at Wimbledon

    Grand Slam Matches Played:

    Federer 303, Willis 01

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    Willis’s Army – his friends who came to cheer him on

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    Roger easily advanced to the third round

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    The records will read Federer defeated the Brit Willis, 6 – 0, 6 – 3, 6 – 4; but don’t ever suggest to Marcus Willis that he was a loser today.  As ESPN commentator Chrissie Evert said with a smile in the post-game analysis, “To me, this is what sports is all about…it’s about dreams coming true.” I couldn’t agree more.

    Tomorrow, June 30th., the man who taught me to love sports will have been gone for forty years. I particularly remember my high school and college years when my dad and I watched anything related to sports covered by our ABC, NBC and CBS television networks in Houston, Texas. My daddy loved sports as much as anyone I’ve ever known – he was at his happiest when he saw dreams come true in a sporting event.  I miss him to this day.

    Luckily, I married a woman who shares my passion for sports and the underdogs as she shares the rest of my life for better or worse. She makes my dreams come true every day, and I feel like a winner.

     

     

  • Franciscan Peace Prayer


     

    Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;

    Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
    Where there is injury, pardon;
    Where there is error, the truth;
    Where there is doubt, the faith;
    Where there is despair, hope;
    Where there is darkness, light;
    And where there is sadness, joy.

    O Divine Master,
    Grant that I may not so much seek
    To be consoled, as to console;
    To be understood, as to understand;
    To be loved as to love.

    For it is in giving that we receive;
    It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
    And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

  • Please Pardon this Interruption from the 2016 Campaign Trails


    The summer of 1960 was a hot one in Texas, as most summers are, but the temperatures at my grandmother’s little round kitchen table where I had eaten for fourteen years were even hotter – and the cause wasn’t just the heat from the frying pan on the stove that held the delicious fried pineapple pies she’d fixed for dessert. Nope. Presidential politics was the fire-starter that summer at our kitchen table and many others around the country. Democratic  nominee John F. Kennedy versus Republican standard-bearer Richard Nixon was a hot topic for us.

    My family that gathered around the kitchen table had always voted Democratic. They were the quintessential yellow dog Democrats and lovers of Franklin Delano Roosevelt who, they believed, was responsible for putting an end to the Great Depression of the 1930s and bringing a successful ending to WWII. After all, both of their sons had crossed the Pond to place their very young lives in harm’s way for their country, but President Roosevelt had brought them home without a visible scratch. Democrats were “for the people,” as my grandfather never failed to remind me whenever he had an opportunity. He rarely had any opportunity since my grandmother held court in most of our family discussions – which made any remarks from my grandfather more memorable to me.

    In addition to their faith in the Democratic Party, however, all of us at the kitchen table – and beyond were members of a small Southern Baptist church in our town. My paternal grandmother, Ma, was very proud of her church attendance and the Christian heritage that went with it. Her faith itself was a mixed bag since she couldn’t keep herself from poking fun at the minister’s sermons every Sunday, but she had very definite opinions on every religious topic including her suspicions regarding the Catholic Church, the Pope and her Polish neighbors who went to the Catholic Church ten miles away in Anderson. My grandmother was prejudiced against Catholics, among other groups.

    Here was her dilemma in that hot summer of 1960. The Democratic nominee, Senator John F. Kennedy, was a Catholic. Not just a little bit Catholic, but a whole lot Catholic. He was a card-carrying Catholic, and his family had been Catholics as long as hers had been Baptists and Methodists. Mr. Nixon was not a Catholic. He was a Quaker, of all things, and that really didn’t suit her, either; but she knew Quakers didn’t have a Pope.

    My daddy and grandfather argued for JFK at that little table and in other, more public places, and said the idea that he would be taking orders from the Pope in Rome was ridiculous. For one thing, he would be so busy with the Russians that he wouldn’t have time to talk to the Pope about every little matter that came up and plus, with Lyndon Johnson as Vice-President to keep him in check, no Pope could get past him. Lyndon was a Texan who was also a savvy politician in the Democratic Party and hadn’t Senator Kennedy made a wise choice in choosing a man who could move things along up there in Washington without any help from a Pope.

    My little kitchen table was a microcosm of the larger anti-Catholic sentiment that was one of the major campaign issues in 1960 and a cause for one of the slimmest margins of victory in American presidential elections . In fact, Senator Kennedy made a swing through Texas with Senator Johnson on September 12, 1960 to give one of his most famous speeches to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association at the Rice Hotel in Houston, Texas. In that speech he emphasized the “far more critical issues to face in the 1960 election; the spread of Communist influence…; the humiliating treatment of our President and Vice-President by those who no longer respect our power – the hungry children I saw in West Virginia, the old people who cannot pay their doctor bills, the families forced to give up their farms – an America with too many slums, with too few schools, and too late to the moon and outer space. These are the real issues which should decide this campaign. And they are not religious issues – for war and hunger and ignorance and despair know no religious barriers.

    But because I am a Catholic, and no Catholic has ever been elected President, the real issues in this campaign have been obscured – perhaps deliberately, in some quarters less responsible than this. So it is apparently necessary for me to state once again not what kind of church I believe in, for that should be important only to me – but what kind of America I believe in.”

    And this is what he talked about in the speech in Houston that evening, an America where separation of church was “absolute” and an America where he wouldn’t be “accepting instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of churches or any other ecclesiastical source…”

    Two years later on September 12, 1962, after John Fitzgerald Kennedy squeaked out his victory over Richard Nixon,  President Kennedy returned to Houston to address a crowd of 35,000 in Rice University’s football stadium. I was sixteen years old, just beginning my junior year of high school, and I was there. My dad took me. He said it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to hear a great President speak in person, and he wanted us to go. There must have been something special about Houston for JFK – that speech became one of the cornerstones of the President’s space program.

    “We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people…” I was mesmerized by the President’s words, his delivery and I was in awe of being a part of such an amazing crowd. It was a memory maker, as Granny Selma would say.

    The very next year in November, 1963 President Kennedy made a final trip to Texas, this time to Dallas, and was fatally shot while riding in his motorcade. I mourned with the rest of the nation.

    Fast forward to the Presidential Election of 2008. On November 04, 2008, President-Elect Barack Obama, the first African-American man to be elected President, gave one of his most famous speeches in Grant Park in Chicago, Illinois, his home town. I shared that moment with Oprah – she was there in person while I watched with Rachel Maddow from my living room. I was in love with another American President just like Annette Bening. Heady stuff.

    “If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.” he began and his message of “Yes we can” reverberated around the world to give hope that race should not be a barrier to leadership or equality.

    Finally this week, there is a presumptive Democratic presidential nominee in the person of former Secretary of State, former New York Senator and former First Lady of the United States and now the first woman ever to be nominated by a major political party: Hillary Rodham Clinton.  Another barrier comes tumbling down as all of us who are the survivors of the feminist movement of the 1970s are fortunate enough to witness the fruits of our labors. The bitter feelings of defeat after the Equal Rights Amendment failed to pass in South Carolina in the 1980s have been replaced by the fulfillment of the promises and dreams I first had when I watched the National Women’s Conference in Houston in 1977. Thank you, Shirley Chisholm, Barbara Jordan and Ann Richards. Thank you, Gloria Steinem, for the inspiration to do outrageous acts and everyday rebellions. Thank you, Hillary Clinton, for the massive undertaking of running for President. I admire your resilience and your abilities. Onward.

    Remarkably, in my seventy years, I have hit the trifecta! I have personally observed the prejudices of religion , race and gender be revealed to the world for what they are – excuses to exclude and divide people from each other – to build walls instead of bridges. By the dawn’s early light I’ve seen what so proudly we hail at the twilight’s last gleaming…a glimmer of hope for a level playing field for every citizen in our currently great country. Greatness does not mean flawless, but we can – and will –  continue to strive for the right.

    As for my grandmother and JFK, I will never know what happened when she voted in 1960 because she refused to tell despite the pleadings of my daddy. In the 1968 Presidential election when I was finally old enough to vote, I cast my first vote for Republican and Quaker Richard Nixon.

    My family was horrified.

     

     

     

  • Memorial Day Matters


    Last Sunday afternoon Teresa and Spike and I took advantage of the low humidity and spring-like weather that lasts about a minute in Columbia before we hit the days that make you feel like you could melt any second and drove over to St. Peter’s Cemetery downtown just off I-126. Remarkably, this was a cemetery we had overlooked in our graveyard tours in the past because of its proximity to the much larger Elmwood Cemetery which goes on forever.  (No pun intended.)

    What impressed me first was the large number of little American flags standing guard over the graves. It’s a common occurrence for soldiers’ markers to have the small red, white and blue colored flags flying above the veterans’ graves but usually only one or two families bother. Clearly, this was a concerted effort by someone or some group or perhaps St. Peter’s themselves to honor every fallen soldier. Luckily Teresa had her cell phone with her and was able to take pictures.

    Memorial Day Pictures from St. Peter's 7

    I was taken with the names of the veterans and wondered about their stories from the wars.

    Memorial Day Pictures from St. Peter's 9

    What was a World War I army nurse from New Jersey doing in a Columbia, South Carolina cemetery, I wondered.  She was born just ten years after the Civil War and somehow ended up as an Army nurse in World War I.  Now she rests here with an American flag that acknowledges her service to her country and two visitors who would like to know how she came to be in this place.

    Memorial Day Pictures from St. Peter's 3

    James Riley was born in New York  in 1837 and actually served in the Civil War as a Confederate soldier; he died in Columbia in 1924. He is buried here draped with a flag that is the symbol of a country he tried to destroy. Yet, here he is – a survivor of one of the bloodiest wars in American history.

    Then there’s Sergeant Charles Edward Timmons, Jr. who served in World War I and was killed in action. His body is buried in France, but his family has honored him with a beautiful marker and  stone flag that flies every day so boldly it practically reaches out for your attention.

    Memorial Day Pictures from St. Peter's 6

    We also saw one different flag – a German one – lying against a grave in St. Peter’s. Memorial Day Pictures from St. Peter's 8

    Hugo Krause was born in Germany in 1855 and died in 1925 in Eastover, South Carolina, which is a small town south of Columbia. Apparently Mr. Krause was also a soldier but served a different country in World War I. Someone is still proud of his German heritage.

    So the stones tell short stories of a few of the soldiers we honor this Memorial Day which is a day of remembrance for those who cared enough for what they believed in to offer up their lives to preserve those beliefs. I admire and respect these soldiers for their sacrifices.

    My family had members who served in World War I and World War II as well as ancestors who served on both sides of the Civil War and some who date to the Revolutionary War for Independence in 1776. I obviously didn’t know many of them, but I did know my father who was a navigator in the Army Air Corps in 1944-45. He was nineteen years old when he enlisted and sent to officer training school in San Antonio.

    He served with the Eighth Air Force in England and flew thirty-two missions over Germany in the short time he was over the Pond. He was never proud of his assignments – the only thing he ever said to me about it was he felt he did his duty.

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    I am proud of the teenager who left his small rural Grimes County, Texas home town, family and friends to do what he thought was right. His country was proud of his service, too, and awarded him the Medal of Honor when he was discharged. On this Memorial Day I will once again respectfully remember  the young man who became the father I loved and all the daughters and sons, mothers and fathers who served in past years and those who serve today who will not be with their own families because they have a reason that puts them in harm’s way every day.

    Memorial Day matters.

     

  • True Confessions


    When Mrs. Lucille Lee taught me how to read in the first grade at the Richards public school, I was so excited I tried to read anything and everything that had words: newspapers, magazines, comic books about Superman or Archie and Jughead, signs and billboards,The Hardy Boys mysteries, The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew, The Bobsey Twins in Tulip Land, Cherry Ames, Tom Swift Jr; histories of the adventures of Wyatt Earp, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, Gene Autry the singing cowboy, Daniel Boone, Annie Oakley, Sam Houston and well, you get the picture.

    I asked for extra books to take home from school, and I was the first person on the steps of the Grimes County Bookmobile every month – I always checked out the maximum magic number of four. I read whenever I took a break from playing outside or hid from my mother who routinely expected me to be practicing the piano since she had the unfortunate task of teaching me to play. Do not disturb. I was busy reading. I had left hot humid Grimes County for exotic places like snowy New England to check on my new friends Jo and Amy and Beth and Meg who were even cooler than the Bobsey twins. I cried when Beth died.

    One day I read an article entitled How do You Tell Your Child there is no Santa Claus? I was mortified when my mother confirmed that he wasn’t real. I was probably nine years old at the time and had heard rumors at school about it but knew for a fact he was real because I’d seen him on the news on television every Christmas. The news was the ultimate standard-bearer of truth.  Now two  heroes bit the dust at once: Santa Claus and CBS reporter Dan Rather at KHOU. Shattering. What was left to believe in? Who could be trusted? At least I knew Lucy and Ricky Ricardo would always be together with Fred and Ethel Mertz. I took comfort in that.

    Somewhere along the line in the next sixty years reading became less about fun and escape and more about school and studying and work and keeping up with the financial markets which in the waning years of the twentieth century moved at warp speed in a gazillion directions. Reading, for me,  moved from printed pages to computer screens and power point presentations. And gradually over my forty years working with numbers in some form or another, I lost my love for words. When I came home at night, the last thing I wanted to do was read.

    The vicissitudes of life intervened, as they will according to my daddy, and I fell in love with a woman who loved to read almost as much as she enjoyed playing tennis. We met in her bookstore Bluestocking Books in the early 90s. She had a wonderful feminist bookstore located on Gervais Street in the Vista in downtown Columbia before the Vista was a hot spot and yet, her store became a gathering place for the fledgling LGBT community.  My interest in books was immediately revived.

    Alas, Bluestocking closed after two and a half years, but my friendship with the owner who was also a passionate lesbian activist remained strong and endured. We were both involved in other long-term personal relationships and weren’t romantically inclined for the next seven years. Strangely, both of our relationships fell apart at the turn of the century, and Teresa the bookstore owner and I got together.

    When we bought our first house, we had to have bookshelves built in the living room and her office. That set the precedent for every house since then. Built-in bookshelves, bookcases of every size and description in every room now at Casa de Canterbury in the front house and bookcases lining the rooms of the little back house we call our bodega. Still we had books on the floor, books on every piece of furniture that has a surface – books, books, books. Plus, Teresa read every night. While I watched TV and played poker on a small hand-held game I was addicted to, she read books.

    Finally, after six years of being surrounded by books, I decided part of my life was missing. But, the interesting thing is that rather than start reading one of the countless books at my disposal, I took a writing course in December, 2006. Teresa encouraged me and of course, I wanted to do well. I wrote a little story about a revival meeting in my Southern Baptist church where  I heard a preacher rant and rave about homosexuals going to hell, and the teacher liked it. Teresa liked it, too, and the cliché “the rest is history” actually applied. That story became the chapter Payday Someday in Deep in the Heart: A Memoir of Love and Longing that was published in November, 2007.

    Blogs, books, magazines – once again I have a love affair with words. This time around, though, the words are mine.  I write them. I own them. They are sometimes well received by readers, and sometimes they aren’t but they come from a reservoir built steadily by years and years of dams focusing on numbers…until finally the dams broke and the words spilled out.  Apparently, I am unable to stop them from tumbling onto a computer screen that sometimes becomes the printed page.

    True confessions: I still don’t read much. People often invite me to become their Goodreads friend, and I love the site so I always say yes, but I’m a terrible friend. In spite of that, I started reading the Selected Letters 1955 – 1995 of May Sarton this week because Teresa laid it on our coffee table and because I think May Sarton is one of the best writers of the last century. She happened to be an out lesbian but refused to be called a “lesbian writer.” Whatever the label, she wrote fabulous letters to her friends and family. I wish I had written to her so she could write me back. She religiously answered her mail every day.

    Letter writing is a lost art, but I suppose Facebook and other social media render it superfluous. My sense is that blog comments are like mini-letters and I love the interaction with those of you who are my pen pals; I am thankful for every reader. Do not disturb. Somewhere someone is reading.

    Thank goodness for the Bluestocking Bookstore owner who continues to inspire my love for words – and for her. I think I should marry that woman. Oops! I forgot. I just did.