I'll Call It Like I See It

by sheila morris

Category: Humor

  • babysitting – day one – think pink!


    NanaSlo and Grandbaby Ella – Day One of Babysitting

    (just before Mama Caroline got home from work)

    please get home soon, Mama, the Nanas exhaust me

    Stay tuned.

     

  • OK, BOOMER? let’s see what you got first


    Pretty will be the first to tell anyone that I am the world’s last to know anything about pop culture because I am not a twitterer, instagrammer, pinterester, redditer, or snapchatterer. I am not linked in, tik tokked, or tuned in or up on most days. I’m not passing judgment on any of these or the countless other social meda platforms nor am I necessarily proud of being uninformed although I remain stubbornly committed to Facebook regardless of whether anyone is bothering to influence my vote in the 2020 election. Just try. Please try. I will get you.

    I do, however, continue to watch CBS Sunday Morning faithfully because it is one show that Pretty and I can enjoy together. (Remember she continues to boycott all real news programs since the 2016 elections but instead gets her news information from Twitter.) So yesterday Pretty half watched CBS Sunday Morning by herself until I straggled in from our bedroom in a semi-conscious state thirty minutes into the broadcast. Segments came and went as I ate leftover sweet potato casserole from Thanksgiving for breakfast before taking my morning meds.

    I was shaken out of my television reverie by the Faith Salie commentary called OK, BOOMER in which she humorously described ok, boomer as a recent put down by the Gen Z (1995 – 2010) population of their aging Baby Boomer elders (1946 – 1961). Hm. What up, Gen Z?

    Apparently we the Boomers are being blamed for “rising waters, disappearing species, crippling debt and crumbling democracies.” Whaat? That’s all our fault? Easy for you to say, 48-year-old Faith Salie (Gen X 1961 – 1981).  Where were you guys when we were ruining climate change? Ho, ho, ho – and a merry old millenial (1981 – 1996) to you all for a holiday season free of guilt for any of the world’s most dangerous threats. The Boomers did it.

    Anyhow, as my now deceased Greatest Generation friend Libby Levinson used to say whenever she was about to change the subject,  Faith’s sally struck a nerve that I usually reserved for my free-floating anxiety over the current criminals in charge of the country. It was a bridge too far.

    I can’t bear to be thought of as old and irrelevant, I ranted to Pretty who was quite familiar, of course, with the OK BOOMER memes. Then I got irritated with her for not feeling disrespected because she was, after all, one of those Bad Old Boomers herself. The only person who can ever make you feel disrespected is yourself, Pretty said. Oh, sure, I said. Go ahead and quote one of my favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quotes back to me. Sigh. I could feel the air being let out of my anger. That Pretty.

    Today I sat in the pedi chair that belongs to the great pedicurist/philosopher Esther Isom who was responsible for the title of my last book: Four Ticket Ride. I couldn’t let the Ok, Boomer thing go so I was still raving about it from her chair which reminded me somewhat of a throne so I’m sure I had my proclamation tone in full force. I couldn’t believe Esther hadn’t heard of the funny haha put down from our children either, because she also was always in the cultural know, but she took it with a grain of salt.

    Tell them let’s see what you got first, she said with a laugh. Of course we won’t be around to know how they’ll do, she continued, but they’ll learn life isn’t as simple as they think it is.

    Point taken. I am not unaware of my generation’s shortcomings – we have been poor stewards of our planet, insensitive to the needs of the poor, squandered the earth’s resources to keep gasoline in our vehicles, failed at equality for people of color, elected corrupt public officials at every level of government – to name a few. I sadly recognize and confess my Baby Boomer sins.

    But hey, we’ve been on the front lines marching against the Viet Nam War, opened up amazing opportunities for women in the work force and athletics,  secured marriage equality for same sex couples, fought for civil rights; and worked, worked, worked to achieve the American Dream. We were competitive but with the spirit of a rugged individual. We were the original gangsters so… before you write me and my cohorts off as ancient and irrelevant, let’s see what you got first, kids.

    In the meantime, show some respect.

    Stay tuned.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • thanksgiving is relative


    “The oak trees were alive with color in the midst of the evergreens. Bright red and yellow leaves catching the sunlight as Daddy and I walked through the brush. The smell of the pines was fresh and all around us. We didn’t speak, but this was when I felt most connected to my father. Nature was a bond that united us and the gift that he gave me. And not just in those East Texas woods. He envisioned the whole earth as my territory and set me on my path to discovery. In 1958, this was remarkable in a girl’s father…

    To this day, Thanksgiving remains my favorite holiday. It seems less commercial than the others and struggles to hold its own before the onslaught of merchandising that we call Christmas. The dinners in the fancy restaurants and hotels and cafeterias never measure up to the feasts my grandmothers served their families.

    Perhaps, though, it is the love and closeness of those family ties that leave the sights and sounds that last a lifetime.”

    This excerpt from the chapter Thanksgiving in the Piney Woods is from my first book Deep in the Heart: A Memoir of Love and Longing. I was so surprised when the book received a 2008 GCLS Literary Award – and thrilled, too.

    my family on my grandparents’ front steps circa 1956

    (I am seated on the bottom row in my flannel shirt and corduroy pants,

    unsmiling, at my mother’s request for some strange reason)

    Today is a different Thanksgiving in a different home in a different state in a different century, but I still believe in the love and closeness of family ties that bring the sights and sounds that last a lifetime. I know they have in my lifetime.

    And now for Thanksgiving in 2019 we are beyond Thunder Dome thankful for the new family member we love to hold and hope she looks our way with smiles. Pretty is beside herself with our granddaughter Ella Elisabeth James, and so am I.

    Ella loves her NanaT

    Pretty and I wish all of you in cyberspace that love and closeness on this special day for thanksgiving.

    Stay tuned.

     

  • PT – I see light at the end of the tunnel, but the train headed toward me today


    Good morning … or afternoon, he said glancing at the clock on the wall, why don’t you come over here and we can talk while we wait?

    I glanced around the usually filled waiting room at the rehab facility to see an elderly man  sitting by himself. He was wearing a Vietnam Veteran cap so I knew he was retired military and probably about my age.The white hair definitely looked like my hair color. His blue jeans did their best to hang in there under the weight of a man whose belly fell over the belt struggling with the blue jeans. I recognized that look and the battle with the jeans because I fought that same battle every day. Yep, we were two old people sitting in a rehab waiting room. Evidently one of us was looking for conversation.

    Sure, I said with what I hoped was an air of conviviality, and sat down in a chair across from him. Not too close but closer than I would normally sit with someone as I waited for my PT trainer to appear  with a wave that signaled I was up next.

    What would you like to talk about? I asked him, expecting a dialogue in which we compared our progress in rehab and complained about how hard it was to get better once you’d had knee replacement surgery or some other body part that was now a foreign object in opposition to our own natural parts that had worn away with age.

    Politics, he said rather abruptly, but seemingly something that popped out of his mouth with no forethought.

    I was stunned. I was on the short side of time with my second knee’s rehab, and I had sat in that same waiting room 44 times during the past six months, and not one time had anyone mentioned the word politics to me. Just my luck – I was ready for the light at the end of the tunnel, and here comes a train.

    Uh, actually I don’t think politics is a good topic for us today, I said with what I hoped was a degree of innocence.

    Why not? he asked.

    Well, I said, as I quickly ran through 40 years of political activism in my mind, I don’t think you and I would be quite on the same page in a political discussion. You see, I’m what’s now referred to as an ancestral Democrat and I’m very aware that this county has only a few of us – I’m guessing only one in this waiting area.

    He thought about that for a second, then frowned. I gave 21 years of my life to the military and another 25 in civil service, he said. I’ve got two types of health insurance – Medicare and another one, and you (pointing a finger at me) have got candidates running around talking about Medicare for all and taking away my health insurance plans. I don’t like that. I don’t want to hear about it.

    First of all,  I said, thank you for your service to our country and I believe you should have any benefits available so I am very happy for your retiree benefits. Some of the Democratic candidates have other ideas for health care so we won’t know until the primaries whose ideas will win the day. He continued to frown.

    Luckily, I was saved at that moment by my PT trainer who brought this man’s wife out from the training area. No wonder we hadn’t talked about rehab – he wasn’t there for his own sake. He had brought his wife who was celebrating her last day in PT.  She hugged my trainer who had already motioned in my direction.

    I saw the train whiz by without incidence as light reappeared at the end of the tunnel. Only four PT sessions left. Get me out of here, Percy.

    Stay tuned.

     

     

     

     

  • quid pro quo? mother goose says hell, no! it’s a shakedown!


    Pretty began today by announcing she wished we turned back the clocks every night. If we did, she continued, she would be out of bed every morning at a respectable hour. That’s hilarious, I said, and laughed.

    Our conversation went downhill from there because I was watching the news, of course, and Pretty tuned in long enough to give her opinion on the latest WSJ/NBC poll which showed 46% of those questioned would vote against Agent Orange in 2020,  34% said they planned to support AO for sure, and 17% said their vote depended on the candidate – to which Pretty added the comment that the 17% were ashamed to say they would vote for AO again. You go, Pretty.  Snap! Pretty really shines when she has that extra hour of sleep.

    Frankly, my dears, our topic shifted from the quid pro quo of Agent Orange that precipitated the formal impeachment proceedings against him this week – the topic of the Sunday morning news programs – to an old Mother Goose Rhymes book published in MCMLIII (1953 for those of you who are struggling with your Roman Numerals) by Platt & Munk Publishers. Now what is the reason for our newfound interest in nursery rhymes?

    Because we have a grandbaby in the nursery, and she apparently is wild about Pretty’s version of Pat A Cake which includes animation and bears slight resemblance to the version in the Mother Goose Rhymes book. But whatever works, right?

    I decided to reacquaint myself with the Mother Goose tales in the book and was pleased to recognize several favorites I could still recite to our new grandbaby.

    Mary had a little lamb,

    Its fleece was white as snow;

    And everywhere that Mary went

    The lamb was sure to go.

    Now that was as easy as the ones about Jack and Jill, Little Boy Blue and Little Jack Horner who sat in a corner and stuck his thumb where he really shouldn’t have. But then I ran across one of the rhymes I’d forgotten.

    There was a crooked man, and

    he went a crooked mile,

    And he found a crooked sixpence

    against a crooked stile;

    He bought a crooked cat, which

    caught a crooked mouse,

    And they all lived together in a 

    little crooked house.

    That Mother Goose had it going on. Who knew she could be so prescient about politics in the 21st. century. Substitute Agent Orange as the “crooked man,” and all the other “crookeds” fall into place. He bought a few crooked cats named Giuliani, Barr, Pence, and  Pompeo who conspired to withhold aid appropriated by Congress for an ally that was in a precarious position until this ally dug up dirt on a political opponent in the 2020 election. Mother Goose might think this quid pro quo was what she would call an old-fashioned shakedown.

    And now they all live together in the West Wing of the White House.

    I’m not teaching Ella this rhyme until the crooked man has slipped off the wall with Humpty Dumpty.

    Stay tuned.