I'll Call It Like I See It

by sheila morris

Category: Humor

  • #STAND AGAINST HATE


    corner of Main and Laurel – parade starts here

    where are my peeps?

    where’s our group?

    for sure YOU rock, little sis!

    These girls rock, too – ALL TOGETHER NOW!

    you girls totally rock!

    my chariot for the parade – SC Gay and Lesbian Guild parade entry

    (Thanks to Mar-la-ti-dah (l.) for giving up her ride in the Guild chariot)

    Guild President CC (r.) drove us and served as dj for our fabulous parade music

    (oh, no, she didn’ have ABBA and Dancing Queen  oh, yes, she DID!)

    Robin Ridgell and the Famously Hot Mar-la-ti-dah strategize before parade

    floats getting ready!

    hurry up – don’t be late

    Pretty waiting for Matt Tischler’s Light Brigade to organize

    Baby Tonks’s very first Pride Parade – Mother beaming

    this family walked beside me and made me proud

    Rob is ready!

    Let’s go!

    The Pride Parade made an important statement once again to the city of Columbia and the state of South Carolina as we laughed, sang and chanted our way down Main Street for the first nighttime parade in our history. The crowds on the sidewalk clapped, cheered and waved their own flags to the gays and their families and friends who they knew were taking a stand for equality in a time when equality is under attack by a hostile administration in Washington, D.C.

    I will never forget the older attractive African American woman sitting in a wheel chair on the sidewalk waving a small Pride flag at me as we rode by her. She was smiling with real happiness for what she was witnessing, and that brought tears of joy to my eyes.

    Nothing rained on my parade last night – none of the usual group of protesters appeared – and my last view as we left Main Street was my favorite float.

    Stand against hate. All together now.

  • “Honey, life’s a 4-Ticket Ride”


    My friend Esther told me this story Tuesday when I was sitting in her chair for my regular pedicure at Eli’s (which I thoroughly recommend for anyone who needs a good manicure or pedicure plus entertainment while you’re at it). She swears the story is true.

    She was sitting in a doctor’s waiting area that was empty except for her and a petite elderly lady who had been in the room when she arrived. They waited and waited together, but Esther decided to break the awkward silence by asking the little old lady how she was doing that day.

    “Honey, life’s a 4-ticket ride,” the woman said with a smile.

    I almost fell out of Esther’s chair laughing at what the older woman had said. The remark was particularly appropriate since the State Fair is in town for the week with the amusement park rides going strong.

    For anyone of my friends in cyberspace who might not  know what a 4-ticket ride is, please ask me in the comment section.

    The quote “Honey, life’s a 4-ticket ride” has now made it to my own memorable quotes collection which reminds me:

    Peace and Kindness Quote Contest

    Deadline: Midnight Friday, October 27

    3rd place Granny Selma Award for Trying  – $25

    2nd place Old Woman Slow Award for Close But No Cigar –   $50

    1st place Daddy Glenn L. Morris Award for Quote Mastery –  $75

    Keep those quote coming in, and be sure to stay tuned.

     

  • Call for Submissions: Fourth Annual Cyberspace Memorable Quotes Contest


    Yes, it’s that time of the year again when the trees begin to think about dropping the leaves they’ve held on their branches since spring so they can take a nap during winter. The crickets and frogs have vanished along with their chirping and “uhguh” grunting sounds at night. When we let the dogs out for their final walkabout, we hear only the pool noises – the three jets pushing the water rhythmically across the surface…reminding me of rushing mountain streams.

    Gamecock football games in Columbia, the South Carolina State Fair setting up next to the Williams Brice football stadium, Halloween candy in the grocery store, Pretty getting out her Pumpkin decorations for her antique empire – clearly signs of the beginning of the countdown to Christmas and the New Year. I am astonished at the warp speed with which we have added another year in the life.

    But what year is complete without the Cyberspace Memorable Quotes Contest which celebrates its 4th anniversary this year!

    My passion for quotes rivals Pretty’s passion for antiques, and that is really saying something. More to come on Pretty’s new adventures in the antique world very soon (with pictures, too).

    I’m doing something a little different for this year’s contest. Hurricane horrors in Texas, Florida, the Virgin Islands and Puerto Rico have dominated the headlines in recent months, and this week we have had a horror of another kind in our country involving a disturbed man firing into a concert crowd in Las Vegas creating the largest mass murder in our history. Unbelievable tragedy. Meanwhile, we have a president in the White House who makes a flippant warning that our nation is living in a “calm before the storm” without a hint of what that might mean which seems more suitable for a TV cliffhanger than real life. Seriously?

    With that in mind, here’s the deal for this year’s contest. We have a theme, and the theme is Peace and Kindness. Please select your favorite quotes that address the theme in any creative fashion that you think will appeal to the judge of the contest which, of course, is moi.

    Endowments have been made for the winners this year. Third place will receive the Granny Selma Award for Trying and a prize of $25. Second place will be given the Old Woman Slow Award for Close but no Cigar and a prize of $50. First place will receive the Daddy Glenn L. Morris Award for Quote Mastery and a prize of $75. Today is Daddy’s birthday, and I’m reminded he always won when we played the Quotes game on car trips from Richards to Houston or whenever he felt like random quoting.

    Now then, boys and girls in cyberspace, get busy and send your quotes to me at my secret email address of smortex@aol.com. Be sure and leave your real name on them so that the judge can weigh in on favoritism. Just kidding.

    The top ten winners will be published on my blog. The deadline for entries is midnight of Friday, October 27th.

    Remember: Peace and Kindness is the theme and oh, btw, please make them a priority in your own lives every day.

    Have a great weekend and stay tuned.

  • Laver Cup transcends traditional tennis


    The finals of the US Open tennis tournament in New York City earlier this month were bittersweet matches for me. Sweet because my all-time favorite tennis player Rafael Nadal from Spain won his second major tournament in 2017 on the men’s tour when he added the US Open title to his 10th. French Open title at Roland Garros earlier this year, but bitter because the end of tennis on Arthur Ashe court at the Billie Jean King tennis center in Flushing Meadows meant the end of my television tennis season. Bummer.

    Not so fast, my friend.

    Enter the Laver Cup in Prague this weekend – three days of competition between six of the best European men players against six of the rest of the world’s best male players in a team format designed for speedy matches and awesome entertainment. Tennis Channel commentator Paul Annacone remarked that this team tennis concept transcended traditional tennis and could create a new model for future events.

    Gosh, I hope so. I watched all three days of the matches live which meant I got up for my jet lag time zone of 6:00 a.m. start times while Pretty snoozed. Pretty loves to watch tennis, too, but she’s happy to watch the DVR recordings at a more appropriate time, i.e. anytime after 9 o’clock in the morning.

    The World team members included John Isner, Sam Querry and Jack Sock from the USA, Denis Shapovalov from Canada, Nick Kyrios from Australia; they were coached by the always unpredictable, highly excitable tennis legend John McEnroe who brought along his younger brother Patrick as his assistant. Patrick’s major task presumably was to try to keep John out of trouble, but he had about as much success with that as General Kelly has with keeping DT out of trouble. Patrick probably had a lot more fun, though.

    The European team included the aforementioned Nadal, Alexander Zverev from Germany, Dominic Thiem from Austria, Marin Cilic from Croatia, Tomas Berdyche from the Czech Republic and one of the event’s organizers, Roger Federer, from Switzerland. Their team was coached by another living tennis great Bjorn Borg whose calm restrained presence coaching Team Europe was the perfect antidote for the fiery outbursts of World Captain McEnroe –  Borg doubtless remembered Mac’s tirades only too well from the days when they played singles against each other almost 40 years ago.

    Interestingly, the players on each team mirrored the character of their coaches – the World Team players on the bench were full of energy, pranks, visual antics and obviously having great fun when they watched their teammates competing. Team Europe was equally enthusiastic on the court, but their court-side behavior was much more suited for the Golf Channel. Golf claps galore.

    The Tennis Channel made the mistake of putting a hot mike on Coach McEnroe on Day 2 of the matches but had to reel it back in when Johnny Mac could be heard clearly advising one of his players  to “go out there and knock his dick off” at a particularly heated teachable moment in one of his coaching opportunities. Alrighty then. Mike drop.

    The highlight of the matches for Pretty and me, however, was a doubles match that featured our two favorite guys respectively, Federer and Nadal, playing together on the same side of the net for the European team, against Sam Querry and Jack Sox  representing the World team. For us plus every other Roger and Rafa fan everywhere, this was the tennis version of a Dream Team in action.

    Nadal shares a doubles strategy with Roger

    Not everything went as planned 

    that was funny, right?

    The point scoring for the matches changed daily so that regardless of overall matches won by each team, the drama continued into Sunday and the Laver Cup came down to a singles match between Nick Kyrios and who else? Roger Federer. Federer won in a third-set tiebreak that had as much entertainment value for me as a Wimbledon final – well, maybe not quite that much – but more than I would have thought possible when it started on Friday.

    Inaugural Laver Cup goes to Team Europe

    Original Rocket Man Rod Laver presented the first trophy to the European team. Laver is the only person to possess all 4 major titles in a calendar year (the calendar slam), and he accomplished this remarkable feat two times…once as an amateur and once as a professional tennis player. The organizers of the Laver Cup established this tournament to celebrate his achievements and his legacy and can take a bow for its initial success in Prague.

    Next year’s Laver Cup moves to Chicago in the USA. Hopefully tennis fans will be treated to another brilliant weekend of creative play with the World Team holding more of a home court advantage. Do not curb your enthusiasm!

    Roger popped the champagne cork as Rafa watched

    Too much fun. Stay tuned.

  • to pill or not to pill – that is the question


    Today I count pills to fill two small brightly colored plastic containers that are compartmentalized by the days of the week with the hope they will continue to help me manage the health of my life and not stealthily contribute to its demise. Such a fine line exists between “to pill or not to pill.” Pretty maintains – and has maintained for the past ten years – that the little pills will be my downfall. I argue I would probably not be here today without them. As a compromise, I’ve added a few vitamins she is okay with. At 71 years of age, I can almost say I told you so, but I’m not quite ready for the implications surrounding that declaration.

    Last week our tall slender pine trees shook while the rains came down ferociously to announce the arrival of a hurricane named Irma that had already left a path of disaster in the Caribbean islands and the states of Florida and Georgia. We received part of her last inland hurrah and although it was relatively mild, it was unsettling enough. We were afraid some of our pine trees would fall on our heads. Luckily, that didn’t happen. The lights stayed on, and we will try not to complain about our modest outside cleanup. Our refrigerator kept our cans of soft drinks cold, and we had an adequate supply of potato chips which was our entire inventory of “unperishables” in the event of a disaster.

    Thank goodness for the chilled ginger ale…the taste of ginger ale always reminds me of the little girl growing up in rural southeast Texas where the piney woods became a national forest at the boundary line between Grimes and Montgomery County, the little girl who saved nickels in the summertime to purchase a large bottle of ginger ale to pretend she was drinking champagne like Myrna Loy in The Thin Man movies. Sitting under a chinaberry tree, the only child offered a glass to her black doll named James Marion after her uncle who was not black. When James Marion declined, she drank the bottle by herself – making toast after toast for imaginary weddings, high school graduations, basketball games, the circus, rodeos, any special occasion she could imagine except for baptisms at the First Baptist Church. No one at that church ever drank champagne for any occasion. My mother told me abstinence from adult beverages was necessary because of the potential for causing the ruination of a hapless sinner who saw you have a sip of any kind of alcohol and thereafter was not able to resist temptation but rather succumbed to drink and debauchery.

    That same line of reasoning also applied to dancing and using inappropriate slang words that so wanted to slip out while sipping champagne. My mother was a stickler for avoiding the drinking and cussing, but she strayed occasionally during American Bandstand in the afternoons after school when the rock and roll music made her feet betray her convictions. It was one weakness, and I smile now at the memory of her trying to do the Twist when Chubby Checker was a guest on the show. As for fornication, well, that wasn’t even on the table for discussion which was very suspicious given her predilection for walking nude around the house in my teenage years. My prim elementary school teacher mother, my mother who played the piano for the Baptist Church, thought nothing of shedding her clothes in the privacy of her own home when Daddy was there. Go figure…and she had a good one at the time.

    I’ve just finished counting the last of the pills for the week. Every pill is in its proper place so that each day they are easily accessible first thing in the morning. I’m not sure how or why I digressed into the story about my mother except that’s how I ramble on in my mind lately. I’m so glad to have the funny memories of her again – I’ve carried the more recent memories of her when she was not in her right mind for too long. She was a mess.

    I prefer these memories to the headlines of the day with its hurricanes, natural disasters, bombs from North Korea, throwing acid on American tourists in France, the president addressing the United Nations, and the young Georgia Tech lgbtq student activist shot to death. My mother’s predilection for nudity and my preoccupation with pills pale in comparison to the news of the day and provide a kind of relief from the constant bombardment of the ongoing shattering of our families and communities. At least they do for me.

    Stay tuned.