have you heard the one about…


the little old lady who walked into the West Columbia Location of the South Carolina Diagnostic Imaging clinic late yesterday afternoon to have two MRIs performed?

(Masks were provided, social distancing observed by all patients and personnel in the facility – thankfully.)

The little old lady asked if she could take a pain pill before they started. Much younger technician Tammy replied of course and provided her with water while at the same time also offering  her two bright yellow ear plugs. It gets a little loud in there, Tammy said. Would you like headphones with music, too?

Oh yes, said the little old lady. Definitely. Can you have them play ABBA music?

How do you spell ABBA, asked Tammy.

Then we got down to business on my right bionic knee when Tammy rolled me into the MRI tube as the machine began making noises like roofers who are hammering nails in the final sections of replacing a roof. Bam, Bam, wham, bam…louder in staccato…and then in loud warning signals reminiscent of sirens in WWII announcing the bombs are coming, the bombs are coming. But did I care?

Not really because the pain pill apparently kept Abba always singing in the back of those headphones:  lots of my favorites like Take a Chance on Me, Super Trooper, Dancing Queen, Fernando and finally when I thought I would go mad from the hammering noises, Mama Mia (the fav of my grandbaby) sang me out of the first procedure. I pictured the little 8 month old baby loving to bounce up and down in her playpen to Mama Mia. And then I was rolled back out of the tube – thinking ABBA might not have been the best choice for remaining totally motionless during the procedure. I had been tempted to groove just a little, but NO WAY.

After a quick bathroom break, I was back on the table being slid down once again into the tube with its deafening blows to take pictures of my lower lumbar. Tammy remained most professional as she adjusted the headphones for my music. This disc jockey wasn’t a hard core ABBA fan so s/he threw in other fan favorites from the era like Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline, the House of the Rising Sun by James Taylor, Carole King I Feel the Earth Move which I did, by the way, when Tammy slid me out of the tiny tube which I felt getting tinier the second go round. For some reason the lumbar didn’t seem to take as long.

Maybe it’s because time had stood still during the 1 and one half hour procedure. Tammy helped me slowly sit up.

While I gathered myself to stand, Technician Tammy said, “I’ve burned you a CD – it should be ready about now.”

To which I replied, “Oh, you burned me a CD? Thank you so very much – that’s really sweet. I hadn’t heard some of those songs in years.”

To which Tammy said in a somewhat subdued tone, “The CD is for your doctor. It’s your images.”

To which I replied, “Oh, well of course.”

Pretty was waiting for me in the car, and when I told her about the CD, she laughed uproariously as only she can do when something is really funny – we both laughed all the way across town to pick up her Wednesday night pasta at her favorite Mediterranen Tea Room. We were still laughing last night when I passed out at 9 o’clock from exhaustion.

Stay safe, stay sane and please stay tuned.

 

 

 

About Sheila Morris

Sheila Morris is an essayist with humorist tendencies who periodically indulges her desires to write outside her genre by trying to write fiction and poetry. In December, 2017, the University of South Carolina Press published her collection of first-person accounts of a few of the people primarily responsible for the development of LGBTQ organizations in South Carolina. Southern Perspectives on the Queer Movement: Committed to Home will resonate with everyone interested in LGBTQ history in the South during the tumultuous times from the AIDS pandemic to marriage equality. She has published five nonfiction books including two memoirs, an essay compilation and two collections of her favorite blogs from I'll Call It Like I See It. Her first book, Deep in the Heart: A Memoir of Love and Longing received a Golden Crown Literary Society Award in 2008. Her writings have been included in various anthologies - most recently the 2017 Saints and Sinners Literary Magazine. Her latest book, Four Ticket Ride, was released in January, 2019. She is a displaced Texan living in South Carolina with her wife Teresa Williams and their dogs Spike and Charly. Her Texas roots are never far from her thoughts.
This entry was posted in family life, Humor, Lesbian Literary, Life, Personal, Slice of Life, The Way Life Is and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to have you heard the one about…

  1. Anonymous says:

    You made me laugh 😆 big time. I so feel you and your humor. Dance away 🎶 my friend. We can make our own CDs on our old computer that will still let me burn a CD.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Marsha Gregorich says:

    Maybe they should hand out CDs of the music that saves your sanity during the procedure. I chose Motown for my MRI. Be well. Rock on!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. donnajune66 says:

    Hahahahahahahahah!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bob Slatten says:

    Hope it all turns out well for you, but … that last bit still has me giggling because I would have assumed exactly the same thing you did!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Terrific post, as usual. But this “Mediterranean Tea Room” dining option has me greatly intrigued. I have no idea what that might entail, but my spidey sense says I might be missing out on something wonderful. Please expound. Okay, wait for the non-existent ABBA CD to finish playing, and then expound… 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Brian, my wife is a pescaterian so we spend an inordinate amount of time trolling for seafood dishes. For many early wonderful years Mexican food was our go-to food group, but gradually we have had to find “mediterranean” places for Pretty. If she could eat every meal at the Tea Room, I’m sure she would! Hole in the wall spot with food in the best Greek traditions. Anyway, Wednesday night is shrimp pesto pasta – you might like it, too!! Luckily for us all we still love to eat Mexican food.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dunno if you have any in your neck of the woods, but find any Mexican joint with ‘Mariscos’ in it’s name, that way everyone can get what they want. Mexican cuisine has a long and rich tradition of seafood, given it’s abundance of coastline.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for that, Bruce! We actually have gone to the Mexican joints with Mariscos. Trust me – we try them all!! And love them, too – Pretty and I had our first dates at a place called San Jose’s right here in the Columbia area!! Not our favorite today but then the food wasn’t the main attraction for us back then…thanks for the comment!!

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.