Sit-down with Celebs: Humpty Dumpty

“Thank you so much for agreeing to this interview, Mr. Dumpty. I understand from your people that you have only recently been able to talk. With your permission, let’s dive right into what the world wants to know about your great fall from the top of the wall. Do you mind if I record our conversation?”

“Thank you, Jeanette. Glad to have the opportunity to tell my side of events to a reporter from Animal News, the only respectable news network anymore. I never believed a word about those baseless allegations. What’s a little groping among friends, am I right? Record that.”

Jeanette nodded and replied,” My first question is what were you doing sitting on top of the wall?”

“What you need to know is I built the wall, there would be no wall without me, and I had every right to sit on top of the wall if I wanted to.” Humpty Dumpty paused to look at Jeanette who smiled.

“I see,” she said. “But didn’t you remember you were afraid of heights since you had to leave the penthouse in Dumpty Tower?”

“Ok, Jeanette. Poor preparation on your part. I left Dumpty Tower voluntarily because I no longer chose to live in a state with a pompous Black woman who illegally stole an election for Attorney General. I did not need the hassles. Plus, I thought I should live closer to my wall so I voluntarily moved south where I could sit on top of the wall to get an unobstructed view of migration mayhem. I love me some mayhem, but I had a great fall when I needed a better view. One slight movement to the left and bam! That one tiny leaning left moment was my downfall. I toppled to the ground.”

“Oh, my goodness,” Jeanette exclaimed. “What a shock. What did you do when you regained consciousness?”

“I called for my military men who rode horses, of course. My body was in pieces, and I asked them to put me back together again. Sadly, it was no use. Nobody has been able to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. I should have stayed in the state with the female Black Attorney General.” Mr. Dumpty sighed, signaling the interview was over.

“Thank you so much for your time,” Jeanette said as she stood to go. “By the way, all those baseless allegations about Animal News were true. Groping is out of fashion, Mr. Dumpty.”

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Although the female Black Attorney General features prominently in this piece of fiction, this is not my definitive work on Black History Month. Stay tuned.