I called my doctor this morning after a sleepless night and gave him my symptoms.
“Doctor, Doctor, I woke up this morning and wasn’t able to get out of bed – I pulled the covers up over my head as high as I could and then felt paralyzed from my head to my toes. I tried to think of my mantra but couldn’t remember it so I just lay there – unable to even reach for my iPad to play Words with Friends or Yushino. I’m telling you – I had so much anxiety I couldn’t even tell Pretty good morning or give my poor dogs their breakfast. It was like I was trapped in some kind of nightmare.”
“Hm. I see. Can you describe the nightmare? Was there a monster after you?”
“Yes! That’s exactly how I felt – like there was a monster after me!”
“Hm. I see. Can you describe the monster?”
“Well, let me think. I think it was an overweight orange man with yellow hair – yes, an overweight orange man with yellow hair – and I couldn’t get away from him. Everywhere I turned, there he was right behind me. I felt like he was stalking me – he kept shouting and pointing his finger at me. I think he said he wanted to put me in jail or something like that. It was terrible, terrible. I’ve never been so afraid in any of my worst nightmares.”
“Hm. I see. And by any chance, did this overweight orange man with yellow hair do a lot of wheezing?”
“Yes! He did…every time he got close to me I could hear him make this odd sniffing sound. But how did you know that?”
“Well, my dear, I have to say it’s the strangest phenomenon for a Monday morning I believe I’ve ever seen in my forty years of practicing medicine. You are the fifth woman to call me today with these same symptoms. Extraordinary, you might want to say.”
“Oh, my goodness. Have you been able to make a diagnosis for us? Do you have a medicine that will help us?”
“I have Good News and Bad News. The good news is I have been able to diagnose what you all have. You clearly are suffering from Post Traumatic Debate Stress or PTDS after watching the most recent 2016 Presidential Debate last night.”
“OMG, not PTDS – that’s the Good News? I’m afraid to hear the Bad News.”
“The Bad News is it is incurable in the short-term. However, I can promise you it will get better after November 08th. if you live that long. So hang in there, and my prescription is to stay away from your TV on October 19th…before, during and after the next debate.”
Which is what I plan to do.
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving Day to my Canadian friends – be thankful for your blessings which include not being in the middle of a bitterly divisive election campaign that might spoil your appetites.