TRUMP: Well, I took two tests, cognitive tests. I aced them, both of them, as you know. We made it public. He took none. I’d like to see him take one, just one, a real easy one. Like go through the first five questions, he couldn’t do it. But I took two cognitive tests. I took physical exams every year. And, you know, we knock on wood, wherever we may have wood, that I’m in very good health. I just won two club championships, not even senior, two (sic) regular club championships. To do that, you have to be quite smart and you have to be able to hit the ball a long way. And I do it. He doesn’t do it. He can’t hit a ball 50 yards. He challenged me to a golf match…

…BIDEN: Well, anyway, that’s – anyway, just take a look at what he says he is and take a look at what he is.

Look, I’d be happy to have a driving contest with him. I got my handicap, which, when I was vice president, down to a 6.

And by the way, I told you before I’m happy to play golf if you carry your own bag. Think you can do it?

TRUMP: That’s the biggest lie that he’s a 6 handicap, of all.

BIDEN: I was 8 handicap.

TRUMP: Yeah.

BIDEN: Eight, but I have – you know how many…

TRUMP: I’ve seen your swing, I know your swing.

*****************

Me:

Number One – My favorite parts of the great American presidential debate last night were the two commercial breaks when I exhaled.

Number Two – I am 78 years old, the same age as Trump, and I know I could never win one, much less two club championships playing golf in a tournament not designated “senior” events unless I owned the club and/or sponsored the championship.

Number Three – uh, I’m not playing if you won’t stipulate…uh, that I have a 6 or maybe 8 handicap, that you have to walk carrying your own clubs while I ride in a golf cart; that I have unlimited Mulligans, and I get to hit from the forward tees. I’ve seen your swing, I know your swing.

****************

One barely septuagenarian candidate has a loud voice full of bravado, but the truth ain’t in him. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. The other barely octagenarian candidate has a powerful record but lacks the ability to communicate effectively anymore. What’s a voter to do? Tick, tick, tick. The clock is ticking toward November.

Shame on both campaigns for this glaring public display of why many Americans preferred to watch Netflix or refused to watch anything at all like Pretty who went to bed as soon as the Las Vegas Aces won their game with the Chicago Sky at nine o’clock our time. Charly gave me a look and followed Pretty to bed. Carl and I were the last ones standing for the torture that was the political debate, but then Carl is totally deaf and partially blind. I have no excuse.

Published by Sheila Morris

Sheila Morris is a personal historian, essayist with humorist tendencies, lesbian activist, truth seeker and speaker in the tradition of other female Texas storytellers including her paternal grandmother. In December, 2017, the University of South Carolina Press published her collection of first-person accounts of a few of the people primarily responsible for the development of LGBTQ+ organizations in South Carolina. Southern Perspectives on the Queer Movement: Committed to Home will resonate with everyone interested in LGBTQ+ history in the South during the tumultuous times from the AIDS pandemic to marriage equality. She has published five nonfiction books including two memoirs, an essay compilation and two collections of her favorite blogs from I'll Call It Like I See It. Her first book, Deep in the Heart: A Memoir of Love and Longing received a Golden Crown Literary Society Award. Her writings have been included in various anthologies including Out Loud: the best of Rainbow Radio, Saints and Sinners New Fiction from the 2017 Festival, Mothers and Other Creatures; Cowboys, Cops, Killers, and Ghosts (Texas Folklore Society LXIX). She is a displaced Texan living in South Carolina with her wife Teresa Williams and their dogs Spike, Charly and Carl. She is also Naynay to her two granddaughters Ella and Molly James who light up her life for real. Born in rural Grimes County, Texas in 1946 her Texas roots still run wide and deep.

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  2. My meager thoughts for what they’re worth:

    These debates are nothing but performances designed to drive the news cycle and network revenues, and to prop up social media pundits, giving them talking points for their endless rants on conservative channels.

    Rather than watch the debates (I rarely do), I’m trying to focus on convincing 1 undecided person to vote for Biden. I see it as doubling my vote. It’s harder than you think because most people don’t want to vote. I’ve started adding Project 2025 to my speech. It’s scary stuff.

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      1. I really hope people will understand how important this election is. Hold your nose if necessary, but vote for Biden. For many people, if Orange Slush wins, it’s their last chance to vote for a generation if not longer.

        Give my regards to Pretty!

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